Thursday, March 24, 2011

Uh Oh. I'm a Slob, too.

I went for my walk early this morning about 7:30am. Tom had some proposal and purchase order work to do so I thought I'd take the opportunity and go to the walking trail without Joe.

It was a cool 50 degrees this morning, so I slipped on a pair of old, pill-y, stretchy pants, an old sweatshirt that has a couple of spots of whatever on it and my socks and shoes. Because it is so short, all I did when I got up this morning was wet my hair, which had formed a lovely faux hawk overnight, and spike it up using the residual Freeze and Shine left in my hair from the day before. Not lovely, but adequate. Usually when I go out in public, I wear a bra. Today I didn't. I figured, Hell, it's early enough. Hardly anyone will be there. Who cares if I'm beating the hell out of my belly button with my boobs.

When I arrived, there were only three or four cars in the parking lot. I only passed two other people coming the opposite direction during the first half of my walk, both of whom were jogging and focused on their own workouts to even notice me. It was another story during the second mile heading back to my car.

Now, I was moving...walking at a good pace and ALL parts of my body were into it, including said boobs when down the trail I saw about four different pairs of women walking toward me. My first thought: I'm clearly a loser because I'm alone and not walking with a companion.

The first pair of women were a little younger than me. Both redheads, perfectly coiffed. A slight hint of makeup - eyeliner and sparkly lip gloss. I licked my lips and all I tasted was salt from the sweat. One of the women wore a very nice springy jogging outfit that looked like it was made from parachute fabric. The other woman was dressed in a similar outfit, but made of some sort of t-shirt like fabric. As they passed me I got a whiff of their perfume. I was going to lift my arm and smell my arm pit, but there was another pair of women coming toward me and I didn't want to appear uncouth.

The second pair of women were equally impressive. Both women had gray hair, flawlessly teased, styled and sprayed and were fully made up, red lipstick for both. And their outfits...Oh. My. God. Perfect! One woman wore a blue and yellow polyester-looking jogging outfit with a matching yellow shell underneath the open jacket. The other woman was dressed to the nines in a bright, cheerful color block sweater and a pair of black slacks that I would wear to dinner...well, not exactly. I wouldn't be caught dead in a color block sweater, but that's just my taste. And, of course, they wafted newly applied Estee Lauder Youth Dew. I didn't even know they made that any more.

Are you getting my drift? Third and fourth pair of women, same sort of story. All of them wearing perfectly matched, unstained, obviously new clothing, hair combed and styled, makeup perfectly applied and all wearing more than a whisper of fragrance. And every single one wearing a bra. I noticed. Which means they probably noticed me, too. Old pants. Stained sweat shirt. Red, sweaty face. Legs going like crazy keeping time with the music in my iPod. Arms pumping. And my boobs flapping with every step.

Okay...they didn't walk a wide circle around me, but I don't think I will be invited to join their womens church group any time soon. Just sayin'

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