Thursday, June 10, 2010

Penis Envy

Joe is a small dog. When he arrived at our home from the shelter, he weighed in at just over five pounds.

Joe was dirty, his coat was stained from lack of care and his last haircut (judging by the raggedly "bangs") was apparently done by a six year old with an unauthorized pair of scissors. He looked just like the homeless ragamuffin that he was.

Here is Joe in January of this year, in all of his little hobo glory. Yes, you can say "Awwwww."

Joe 18Jan2010

Well, today Joe weighs in at a whopping six pounds. I guess it's all the good chow we feed him. Plus that dog can hear a pita chip bag open a mile away and he comes running. He's a cruncher and loves any kind of food that gives him the crunch he desires. He refuses any sort of wet dog food, but goes right for the kibble, eating one piece at a time, crunching every single bite.

We started taking Joe into the groomers every five to six weeks or so for a bath and fur and nail trim. We don't stick around to watch, but we are told he shakes the entire time. He has abandonment issues.

I know I mentioned that the last time we took him to the groomer, Joe got a haircut. Typical of hair stylists who have lost their hearing, we requested a trim, but got was a buzz cut. Needless to say, we are looking for a new groomer whose hearing is intact.

So, this photo was taken just a week or so before Joe got a haircut...
Joe 24April2010

He is, of course, in his favorite position, Adoration of Favored Standing Male Person.

Then, this photo was taken the day after Joe got his haircut...
Joe 15May2010

Sadly, his new goofy, skinny-body-bushy-head-and-tail look is not the topic of frequent conversation. No, we are even beneath making fun of Joe. Instead, we marvel at the size of his penis. The dude is hung for a dog his size. I mean really. He has a tallywacker (my Aunt Sally's word for penis) the size of which any Doberman or Lab would be proud.

You can check it out for yourself...

Joe 15May2010

We had Joe neutered just a few days after we rescued him, so he can't do much with this amazing appendage except pee, but Geeze Louise it is a great topic of conversation.

It's not that we are obsessed with penises. We're not. I don't want to give that impression, even though I'm afraid I already have. But it's hard not to notice. After all, it's just sticking out there in plain site, big as day (pun intended). And with noticing comes comments and after comments comes jokes, followed by laughter. All at Joe's expense.

I think we'll all be glad when Joe's hair grows back so we can stop making all these stupid, adolescent penis jokes and revert back to being just boring old farts again.

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