What Is Wrong With Me??

I am waiting ~ for the fourth day in a row ~ for some worker to get to my house "first thing in the morning" (it's now 9:15AM) to finish up the new A/C installation so I can get my errands accomplished.

When we arrived home Friday about 4:30PM the inside temperature was 88 degrees. I thought it was because I had set the thermostat to "vacation hold," but then I realized that I had set it to 80 degrees. The fan was going, but the air wasn't cool. I removed the "hold" but still no cool air.

As the evening approached, the air outdoors cooled down and temperatures were supposed to be around 72 degrees, so we opened all the windows, turned on all the fans and hoped for the best. Our bedroom didn't get below 85 degrees all night.

We had already planned to have our cooling and heating system completely replaced when we got back. While we were away, our A/C guy called Tom and asked him if he could started on the installation. Since we weren't home, Tom scheduled them to begin last Saturday.

The installers finished most of it Saturday night about 7:00PM and within an hour and a half, the temperature in the house dipped from 87.2 degrees to a very cool and very welcomed 72 degrees. The installers skipped Sunday to finish up, but came back yesterday and were here until after noon. Another guy was supposed to come by later and clean up (he had the truck). The only errand I was able to fit in was a trip to the post office to mail Mike's card for his upcoming birthday.

This morning I am waiting for the gas guys to come and hook up the gas line. They were supposed to be here "first thing," but apparently my "first thing" and their "first thing" are completely different "first things."

Tom and I have made some decisions over the last couple of weeks.

Today I will tackle the Goldie aka Poop Dogg aka G-Doggie issue. We have been talking about her a lot. We've gone back and forth, yes and no, go or stay, guilt ridden then definitive and back through all the thoughts, decisions and emotions again many times over.

After we lost our cat, Freebie, over a year ago, we started looking for a dog. We knew we wanted either a Shi Tzu or a Golden Retriever, two very different types of dogs. During the 1980's we had Gizmo, our happy-go-lucky, funny, beloved Shi Tzu for about 4 years and we loved him. We were devastated when he was injured beyond repair and had to have him put him to sleep. We bought another Shi Tzu shortly after we lost Gizmo, but before we could get attached to him, he somehow got out of the back yard and just disappeared one day. We didn't try again after that.

Fast forward to Goldie. We had been looking at different dogs and thought a Golden Retriever would be a good choice. They are supposed to be friendly, playful, loyal, wonderful companion dogs. Goldie's owner had contacted our veterinarian's office to tell them she was giving away her Golden Retriever breeder female. It just so happened that Tom stopped by their office a couple of days later and asked about Golden Retriever breeders. The rest is history.

If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that Goldie did not come without problems, but certainly not problems we could have anticipated. We took her to the vet within two days of taking her home and she tested positive for heart worm and was subsequently treated. Although a very gentle dog, she continues to be extremely timid and fearful regardless of how much interaction and praise she receives from us or others, so much so that true socialization has been impossible. This last trip to Savannah only served to emphasize her lack of progress over the last 16 months. It was sad and frustrating.

Tom and I discussed traveling with Goldie in the future and agreed that it was actually better and Goldie was happier staying at the kennel while we traveled. I think we realized, too, that she is just happier in a kennel...period. She had spent 6 years in a kennel and that's where she feels safe and comfortable.

We could build a kennel for her and keep her there like her previous owner did and she would be, if not happy, very comfortable and feel secure. I don't feel comfortable doing that. And, we wanted a companion dog and poor Goldie is certainly not that.

To be honest, I cannot see myself continuing to attempt to socialize and interact with Goldie without seeing some sort of progress and Tom feels the same way. I don't want to have to leash her to a chair to make her stay in the same room with me, instead of running to hide in the living room between the couch and coffee table, a small space which, for her, replicates the small space of a kennel. I hate it that she still continues to slink in fear when Tom or I call her. I hate that she still almost always walks with her tail between her legs. I hate that she still darts out of a room in sheer terror if I drop something on floor ~ a shoe, a spoon...anything. I hate that she is still afraid of everything, including the kittens at Chris' house. I hate that she has no instinctual interest in anything ~ other animals, other people ~ and really has not developed any sort of personality.

Over this last vacation, I realized that either Goldie will NEVER be a companion dog or I am completely unable or unwilling or both to put in the work required to help her become one. So, the bottom line? Today, sadly and with guilt, I am putting an ad in the paper to give her away to a family that IS willing and able to give that to her. She just deserves more than I can give her.