If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it. ~Mary Engelbreit

I threw a fit yesterday, so to speak. I'd been obsessing about something all day and had worked myself into a flying tizzy. In an effort to vent and get it off my chest, I wrote it down. I posted the little ranting diddy where I knew only those closest to me would read it, on my Myspace page. Unfortunately, the tone of the post was pretty self-flaggelating, which seemed to raise some concern with a couple of loving, caring people in my family.

After receiving their concerned, supportive and loving comments, I realized how childish and over-the-top my post was and I deleted it, but my issues remain. So I have to find a way to deal with these issues and my feelings in a more constructive, self-loving way ~ Oh, God ! I know !That sounds so touchy-feely. Anyway, since I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what is expected of me, besides remain silent and at a distance, here is what I have decided to do.

I am going to stop checking other peoples' web pages, blogs or websites if our lives and relationships are not reciprocal. Whenever I do that, it only serves as a negative reminder and is very counterproductive. I don't do it very often, but when I do it I hate myself and beat myself up for it. No more. Cold turkey. I'm done with that.

I'm not sending any more "informational" emails. Somehow, I always felt it was my responsibility to make sure everyone was informed. I am letting go of that responsibility. I never got a response anyway, so I guess it never mattered that I sent them and they won't be missed. And, I won't have any expectations of getting a response.

I'm going to stop trying to figure out how I can be different, or more understanding, or more patient, or more giving, or more forgiving. I am who I am. I'm not perfect, by any means. I never, ever pretended to be, but at least I am always trying to grow and be a better person. If that's not enough, then it's just not enough.

I am going to stop wasting time wishing and hoping. I can't change things over which I have no control. The barriers remain. The door is shut. It is important that I accept that. I suppose I will know by some gesture if door is ever opened again or, absent any gesture, if it never is.