Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. ~ Leo Tolstoy

Well, I think I'm running on emotional 'E' right now. I'm unsettled and unbalanced. I've lost all my patience and I'm pretty tired of being an emotional punching bag, for lack of a better phrase.

Considering the amount of time I spend confessing my own mistakes and shortcomings in this blog, you would think I would feel free, centered and relieved. Unfortunately, it is not that easy. Writing this blog, I have become aware that there is more to my personal journey than talking about my own flaws, errors in judgment, misconceptions and all out blunders. It is about time I rethink how I look at people and situations.

So, I have to ask myself some questions? Have I kept quiet when I should have spoken up? Have I spoken up when I should have kept quiet? Have I given too many chances to people undeserving? Have I given too much respect to people unwilling to return it? Have I held out my hand too many times, only to have my hand slapped away in my time of need?

I'm getting older. The reality is, my need for help will increase as I age. I am no longer willing to hold my hand out to people unwilling to extend theirs in my times of plight. I will no longer give my respect to people unwilling to return it. I will no longer give chances to people unwilling to change. My door will always been open to people in their times of need, but if someone finds the door shut then they need to look within themselves for a reason.

My journey to be a better person is a constant one. I realize that I am not perfect. NO ONE is perfect. So, it is also time to forgive so I can get my life back, free my mind and focus my energies on my priorities, not pettiness and bitterness.

Forgiving is solely my process. It does not require anyone else's participation. Forgiving does not mean that I am weak, or will abandon my standards to restore friendships or relationships, or that I condone whatever offense was committed. Forgiving is not forgetting, but it is ceasing to blame, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness is letting go and moving on. I intend to do just that.

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