Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Anger and resentment are like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die ~ Anonymous

An Open Response to My Son:

Just so you are completely aware, everyone I know and with whom I am even remotely related by blood or marriage has the links to both of my blogs and they read them regularly, and therefore, are reading yours.

That said, two days ago I received your email which said that you sent it “in private since I have had enough of getting trashed in public.” You wrote a blog accusing me of characterizing you as an "asshole", then you thought better of using a public forum and deleted it, of course after making sure everyone had proper access to the links to read it (basically a hit and run)… but you’ve had enough of being trashed in public!?? In the same email (you know, the one where you want everything private), you claim your post was only a “rebuttal”? A rebuttal to what? You took my post, which describes my frustration, my beliefs and my internal processes for coming to terms with being ignored by an unnamed someone I love very much and twisted it into some kind of personal public flogging and degradation. I did NOT point a finger at you. I did NOT identify you. I did NOT name you. As a matter of fact, I was very careful not to even mention gender, so as not to implicate any specific person. You could have called and said, does this blog refer to me? Instead, Mike, you outed yourself.

Now, apparently because of my updated references to the bad link and my comments concerning the contents of your deleted post, you’ve decided to re-post your blog. Actually, I am okay with that. At least now my family, friends and readers can see for themselves why I responded as I did and reach their own conclusions. However, the re-posting also calls into question your willingness to work toward and reach any sort of understanding, resolution or reconciliation. Instead, it appears that you are concerned only with revenge, retaliation, in being “right” or having the last word. Even Kathy is using her public forum. This is only one of her several Myspace blurbs which have made pointed reference, but can easily dismissed or denied if ever challenged:

“Kat thinks ガラス家に住んでいる人々は石を投げるべきでない”
Roughly translated: “The people who to the glass house have lived should not throw the stone” This one was definitely the cleverest, wouldn’t you say?

I assumed at the time you wrote your email that you wanted any response I had to also be private. I was willing to respect your wishes and I will continue to do so, if that is your choice. Your position now, though, seems to have changed. Apparently you want to continue this discourse publicly. If that is the case, it’s fine with me, Mike. I can deal with anger… even rage. I can deal with belittling, sarcasm, ridicule, criticism and whatever else you want to throw at me. I would be hurt, but I could handle that, too. I have nothing to hide. There is very little the people who read this blog don’t already know about me. I pretty much lay myself out for all to see, warts and all, nearly every day. What I don’t post here, I share privately. I am human and I am imperfect. I don’t claim to be anything else. I am wrong sometimes, but I am right sometimes, too. People know this about me and still care, in spite of my short-comings, and I am so grateful for their love and support.

Two days ago, you sent a 174-word email (yes, I counted) in which you clearly stated you would not return phone calls and that those 174 words were pretty much all you had to say. I wish I could say the same. Unfortunately, this post is NOT my response to your blog or your email. I am nearly finished with a five-page, single-spaced response that has taken me nearly three days, off and on, to write because, after loving you for 41 years, after all that we have shared and all that has transpired between us as mother and son, 174 words are NOT enough for me.

So, I am giving you the opportunity to make the decision. Do you want my response to remain private or do you want me to post it publicly?

Whatever you decide, I WILL post your decision on my blog.

Contrary to what you may think, Mike, I love you and so does your Dad.

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