Saturday, January 24, 2009

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” Thomas Merton

So, how does one achieve balance? Honestly, I don't really know.

It's just like these last 3 weeks since I started my new job. I can't seem to get my balance. I do one thing and it throws off everything else. I have sort of prioritized my life and put some things on the back burner. For one thing, I spend a whole lot less time on the computer. This morning I opened my Google reader and had 273 feeds to read. Sure, like I'm going to read all of them. I skimmed through the list, reading posts from a couple of my favorite blogs, copied recipes from others and just deleted the rest. Who has the freakin' time to read 273 posts??

I have sorely neglected both of my blogs; my food blog in particular. It's a matter of finding the time I need to post and wanting to write. I've even considered deleting my food blog altogether, but I really haven't decided what I will do.

I'm still having very weird, very vivid, very emotional dreams. Night before last, I dreamed that Tom and I were in Nevada trying to visit Mike and Kathy. In the dream, they had changed the names of their children in an effort to keep us from finding them (the only one I remember is Lily; they changed her name to Debbie). Now I know that logically, that wouldn't make any sense, but emotionally...well, it's hard to put on eye makeup when your crying. The symbolism had a profound effect on me and I had a hard time pulling myself together so I could go to work.

And, about my new job. It's okay. The funny thing is that in this job, I am learning and using all kinds of new medical and anatomical terminology. Me. The person who hates science so much that I can't listen to Talk of the Nation:Science Friday on NPR. Go figure.

Anyway, the physical therapy clinic where I work is small, so for me there is a lot of down time and, oddly enough, I'm sick of playing spider solitaire. When I go back to work next week, I'm going to ask Greg if he will train me to work as a physical therapy assistant so I can keep busy. But, that's next week.

Right now, today, well... first, I am going to make my bed and hang up the week's worth of work clothes that I've just thrown on the chair in my bedroom, rather than hang them up or put them in the laundry basket (obviously, this was not at the top of my priority list). After that, I am going to bring in the cross Tom made for our church and put a coat of finish on it (I will take pictures) and maybe start applying the silver leafing to the plugs that will be inserted into the center of the cross to represent the Holy Trinity. In between, I will figure out what we are going to have for dinner (some kinda meat), take a shower, do some laundry and whatever else comes to mind.

As for balance in my life. I think it's just a matter of perspective. Some days I feel completely scattered and rocky; other days I feel grounded and focused. Today, I'm feeling kind of in between. Ask me again in 15 minutes. Believe me, my answer could be completely different.

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