Sunday, January 18, 2009

Being an author is having angels whisper in your ear - and devils, too. ~ Graycie Harmon

There are days when I could sit down and write pages and pages. Then there are those other days when I have a million thoughts swimming in my head and a million and a half emotions swirling around in my gut and I can't make sense of any of it, let alone put it all to words.

That's how it's been this last week.

I started my second week of work, although it was my first "real" work week. Training was over; I was on my own, so to speak. It was okay, but it's not what I'm used to and that's hard. I also worked more hours this week than I usually would. Wednesday and Thursday was 8:00 to 6:00 and by the end of Thursday, I just wanted to come home and go to bed.

And, I've had the same dream for the last 3 nights or so. I'm dreaming I'm in some sort of futuristic community where everyone either lives in their cars or in small shacks. In last night's dream, a new family came into the community bringing all of what was left of their possessions with them. I was in the middle of cooking a meal over a make-shift stove while watching them settle into a small piece of dirt next to a large rock. I went over to them, introduced myself and saw they had brought with them a large bag of onions. I asked them if I could buy an onion from them for the meal that I was cooking. They sold one onion to me for $12. Yes, even in my dream, it seemed a little over the top for an onion.

The really awful thing about each of my dreams was that my teeth started disintegrating; just crumbling into small pieces, a couple of teeth at a time, in my mouth; and I would spit out pieces of crumbled tooth into my hands. It was devastating.

Now, you can go to any dream interpretation book and find a reference to losing teeth. Those books would lead us to believe that losing or breaking teeth means exactly the same thing to each one of us who might have the same sort of dream. I don't buy that.

I am of the Jungian (Carl Jung) crowd. In my late twenties, I studied some of his writings and came to agree with his concepts of psychological archetypes and the collective unconscious. He cautioned us to not rely too heavily on science and logic and believed that we, as a society and as individuals, would benefit from integrating spirituality and appreciation of unconscious realms. His theories about dreams make more sense to me than any others. Jung's theory was that a dream was a direct message from the personal unconscious. Every person's dream is unique to them and every symbol is associated to something personal to each of us.

In addition to crumbling teeth, the living conditions in my dreams were devastating. The landscape and environment were devastating. The filth was devastating. It made me feel physically ill and I wanted to vomit, but I didn't. I kept to myself and hardly spoke to anyone. I felt completely alone.

What does all this mean to me? If I were to free associate the symbolism in this dream, I would have to say that I'm not going to do that right now, because if I did, I would be a blubbering puddle. Suffice it to say, my unconscious IS trying to communicate with me.

So, moving right along...what are my plans for the upcoming week? Hopefully, I will settle into some sort of routine. I have Mondays off from my job, so I will run errands tomorrow morning.

Tom has built a cross for our church. I will stain it tomorrow and maybe put a coat of finish on it Tuesday afternoon. Who knows, maybe tomorrow afternoon I will also begin to tackle the kitchen cabinet doors that so desperately call out daily for much needed attention and paint.

Yep, who knows. Maybe I will actually begin to move forward again... just maybe.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Terri-You are one of the strongest women I know. I love you and will always be here for you. Blessings-Robin