Luck is the by-product of busting your fanny. ~ Don Sutton

I have decided. I am going to win the lottery. It will be a big one! Not just a measly million or two. Not me. I'm winning several million. Most likely, hundreds of millions. I know you wanted to win, but everybody can't. Maybe you can win next time. But right now, I am going to win. You're just going to have to deal with it.

I already know how I will spend it.

First of all, I am packing up and moving. I'm not even going to finish remodeling this place. I am buying a house or condo on the beach in Florida. No, I will not worry about or fear hurricanes. I will have a lot of money. I can rebuild. Yes, I will also buy a new car or two, but nothing like a Ferrari. Even with millions, I cannot justify spending $250,000 on a freakin' car. I want a pearl white Audi cabriolet convertible with a tan top. I have one now, but it's old. I want a new one. Tom can have whatever he wants... within reason. After all, I'm the one who's winning the money.

Second, each of my sons will be able to buy the house of their choice, in the location of their choice, and their garages will contain the cars of their choice, however, the same reasoning applies to them as it does to their father. All tax, insurance and utility bills will be sent to me. It goes without saying that each of my grandchildren will have their tuition paid at the college of their choice, in addition to basic living expenses while they are in college. I want them to study, not worry about making a living.

Third, I will set up a foundation that serves people in need. I haven't decided how or what or where, but money will be given to those in desperate need of health care, shelter, food or education.

Fourth, and this is the real fun one. I am going to schedule a cruise to the Mediterranean and every living member of my family will go with me. At the appointed time, a limousine will arrive at their door and take them to the most convenient airport, where they will fly first class to the departing port. Upon arrival, another limousine will be waiting to take them to the ship where they will be escorted to their first class balcony suite. In each suite, each person will find the following: a Rolex watch, Oakley sunglasses, a digital camera, a digital movie camera, an iPod, a laptop computer and a Blackberry with adequate service in order to communicate with anyone on board, on shore or at home. All of these gifts will be theirs to keep. Every service on the ship will be available to everyone at no cost, tips included. This includes spa treatments, drinks, on board shopping, arcade, movies, casino, everything. All shore excursions, scuba diving and lessons, snorkeling, para-sailing, water-skiing, surfing, airplane tours, helicopter tours, will be provided at no cost, as well as a credit card for shopping and dining in every port. I will hire several professional photographers to roam the ship and accompany my family to shore to take photos, copies of which will be provided at no cost.

When the trip is over, each member of my family will be treated with the same attention returning home as they were leaving. All gifts and purchases made on the trip will be packed carefully and delivered to their doorstep as they arrive home. In their living room they will find a beautiful flower arrangement, a case of champagne, crystal champagne flutes and a note from me thanking them for joining me on the cruise and making it the best vacation ever!

Sounds fun, huh!