Anniversary (noun): Yearly observance, celebration

I know it may sound strange, but Tom and I have never considered the anniversary date of our wedding an event for which a party is warranted. We don't invite people over. We often don't even go out to celebrate. We've even stopped buying gifts for each other. Our relationship and marriage is deeply personal to us. We don't really celebrate as much as reflect on the years behind us, entertain the future and appreciate the moment.

Yes, today is our anniversary. Forty four years together. I've spent two-thirds of my entire life with Tom.

When I look at those 44 years, just 6 years short of 50, it blows my mind. It seems to have flown by, but casually reminiscing what has transpired, I realize we've packed a lot of stuff into those years.

We've lived in Sunnyvale, San Jose, Santa Cruz, Kings Beach, Oceanside, Carlsbad and Vista, California; Gardnerville and Incline Village, Nevada; and Vilonia and Conway, Arkansas. Next stop, Florida.

Tom's been an Air Force sergeant, computer programmer, truck driver, postal worker, police officer, sheriff's deputy, carpenter, contractor and business owner.

I've been a receptionist, secretary, registrar of voters clerk, volunteer consultant, vocational school registrar and director, non-profit business manager, paralegal, university financial aid office assistant and associate director, college executive director for student fiscal affairs (now, that's a mouthful) and college and university financial aid consultant.

We raised two wonderful boys who have become extraordinary men, husbands and fathers; outstanding musicians; and exemplary cooks.

Together, we are husband and wife, father and mother, grandpa and grandma and above all best friends.

We've made this journey together a wonderful life....OUR life. And I'm incredibly grateful for it.

Forty Three Years Ago Today....

Forty three years later, we are still together, more in love now than when we married.

Happy anniversary, Tom. Thank you for sharing your life with me. I love you babe.

"Beyond our greatest hopes"

I know that President Obama talked about his hospital visit with Rep. Gabby Giffords. While the account of his visit and the phenomenal event that transpired later was moving, I think the account Mike Allen has written in his Politico Playbook of witnesses of the events is much more detailed, moving and worth reading:

AFTER OBAMA VISIT, GIFFORDS OPENS AN EYE AND RAISES AN ARM

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), gaggling in the Air Force One press cabin with Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-Fla.), on the return from Tucson from Andrews:

"We were very excited that we were even going to have the chance of getting to visit her hospital room. ... And when we came in the room, the doctor was there, her parents were there, Mark is there, and the Speaker -- Speaker Pelosi and Debbie and I went in. ... And then Debbie and I started joking about all the things we were going to do after she got better. And we were holding her hand and she was responding to our hand-holding. She was rubbing our hands and gripping our hands so ... we knew she could hear and understand what we were saying and she moved her leg, and so we knew she was responding. And the more we joked about what we were going to do, she started to open her eyes literally. And then you have to recognize, her eyes hadn't opened -- we didn't know that -- and so she started to struggle.

"And one of her eyes is covered with a bandage because it was damaged in the gunfire. So her eye is flickering. And Mark sees this and gets extremely excited. ... And so he said, Gabby, open your eyes, open your eyes. And he's really urging her forward. And the doctor is like perking up and everyone is coming around the bed. And she's struggling ... And then she finally opens her eyes and you could she was like desperately trying to focus and it took enormous strength from her. And Mark could just -- can't believe it. I mean, he's so happy. And we're crying because we're witnessing something that we never imagined would happen in front of us. And so Mark says, he says -- he said, Gabby, if you can see me, give us the thumbs up, give us the thumbs up ... "

WASSERMAN SCHULTZ: "And she didn't at first."

GILLIBRAND: "... When you're watching her eyes, she's really trying to focus. Like you could see she hadn't opened her eyes in days. And then instead of giving the thumbs up, she literally raises her whole arm, like this ... It was unbelievable. And then she reaches out and starts grabbing Mark and is touching him and starts to nearly choke him -- she was clearly trying to hug him ... And we were just in tears of joy watching this and beyond ourselves, honestly. And then Mark said, you know, touch my ring, touch my ring. And she touches his ring and then she grabs his whole watch and wrist. And then the doctor was just so excited. He said, you don't understand, this is amazing, what's she's doing right now, and beyond our greatest hopes."

Today Is Our Anniversary.

What should I write about after 42 years? There's so much to cover. Considering that most of it is boring to everyone else but us, I'll keep it brief.

Let me say at the outset that I have not been the easiest person to live with. Oh, you already guess that?

So what attracted me to Tom in the first place? Well, I thought he was handsome, obviously. But he was also soft-spoken, kind, funny and a real grown-up, very unlike my first husband.

Yes, I was married when I was nineteen and pregnant. To be honest, I only married him to get out from under my parents' thumb and I did for a short time. But, given that he was an immature buffoon who lost his job when he decided to skip work without even calling in and spent the day at his friend's house to help him work on a car for the drag races. He was really the last in a string of very poor choices. We lived together maybe 6 months max and our divorce was final 2 years to the day we married. Talk about universal closure.

When I met Tom, I was a mess. What he saw in me I will never know. I had a baby, I lived with my parents, I was immature and an emotional wreck. By contrast, Tom was independent, self-assured, mature, in the military stationed in Sunnyvale, California, and sharing an apartment with friends. We met through mutual friends.

When he called me for a date, I nearly fell off the arm of the chair where I was sitting. I thought he liked my younger sister.

During the time we dated, my parents tried very hard to dissuade Tom from getting involved with me. After all, I had a kid and was divorced and, therefore, not very worthy goods. They took every opportunity to remind Tom of the history I brought to the relationship. They often refused to babysit when Tom planned a day or evening out just to make sure he would be constantly reminded that I had a child. Tom was not easily dissuaded. When my parents wouldn't babysit, Tom would plan outings for the three of us. He loves kids and sincerely enjoyed the time he spent with Mike. Every single time we went somewhere...the drive-in movies, the park, the mountains, the beach, the lake...I would just marvel at how lucky I was, but deep down I was confident it wouldn't last long. I had adopted my parents' assessment of my worth.

Long story shortened, I got pregnant (yes, again) and was prepared to lose Tom at that point, certain he would walk away with a thanks-but-no-thanks attitude. Not so fast. He said he loved me and wanted to marry me. How about that? We married 42 years ago.

In the beginning, it was hard work. We both brought emotional baggage: my half a dozen steamer trunks worth to his duffel bag. Each year our marriage survived we celebrated with dinner out. It was a big deal. The ups and downs we overcame deserved celebratory high-fives and chest bumps.

Together, we've created a loving, respectful, supportive and fun relationship. Tom built a business. I built a career. We've raised two loving and talented sons and they have each married women who love them as much as I love their father and we have 6 beautiful grandchildren.

We no longer feel like giving each other high fives and chest bumps. It's gentler and quieter now. Easier, too. Tonight we'll have dinner at home. Tom is cooking my favorite pasta carbonara; I'm baking dessert. Later, we will probably watch a little tv then go to bed, cuddle up in our sleeping position and get ready for tomorrow.

We don't feel the need to celebrate, but rather pause and reflect on how fortunate we are to have spent almost a lifetime together and emerge more in love than when we first married.

Holy Crap... Stop the Presses!!

My in-laws have an answering machine on their phone. REALLY!!!

Tom tried to call his parents to invite them for Super Bowl Sunday. He dialed the number, it rang several times, then came an answer, "The person you have called is not available at the moment. Please leave a message after the tone."

Tom was so taken aback that he hung up and dialed their number again. He thought he had dialed the wrong number the first time. "The Voice" answered again. So he left a message, hoping that they would know what to do to listen to it.

You see, Tom's parents are in their 80's - his Dad will be 90 in March - and they do not...really DO NOT...adjust to new things very quickly. Case in point, the answering machine. This is their FIRST EVER answering machine.

I guess that's what happens though when your lifestyle is so frantic. Between bingo, Skipbo, doctors' visits, the puzzle hour, exercise class and movie night, they are never home anymore.

"And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen." ~ Ward Elliot Hour

In my last post, I mentioned the wonderful vacation Tom and I had around the Thanksgiving holiday. The first half was spent with our son, Mike, and his family in the San Francisco Bay Area, Belmont to be exact.

Our grandson, Zak, is heading back to Reno in January to attend a community college there, so I was glad we made the trip when we did and had a chance to spend time with him before he took off to create a life for himself. Even today, when I think about him being 18 years old, I can hardly fathom so many years have passed so quickly. I can still see the little chubby cheeked toddler and that vision does not seem remote at all. Now he has two little sisters, Lily and Zoey, ages 7 and 5, who cry, their mom says, when Zak talks about moving. They will miss him.

But, luckily our time together over this past holiday was not tearful...well, until the end when we left. Before that, we enjoyed every single minute of our visit.

Every morning on our way to Mike's from our hotel, we stopped at the Starbucks on the way. We arrived at their house by about 8:00 am each morning. One day we brought a treat of donuts. Another day we brought yogurt, fruit and granola.

We didn't do any sightseeing. We've been to San Francisco and the adjacent area many times. We lived in the Bay Area for several years when Tom and I first married and continued to visit often after we moved to Lake Tahoe's north shore. So we spent our time just hanging out with the family.

There was, of course, plenty of lap time...


Lily even let Grandpa try to brush her hair...


And there was time to just get goofy...


There was Wii Bowling, Ski Jump and Golf..


Then we played a cut-throat game of Candy Land. There were times you could cut the tension with a knife. And notice that Zoey quietly controlled the game by withholding the cards securely in her little 5-year-old hands...


While Grandpa and Grandma were keeping the kids busy, Mike got a chance to sit down quietly (Mike was quiet, not the kids) and read his magazine...


Mike and Kathy let Tom and I make some appetizers for Thanksgiving Day. We settled on two items. My father-in-law's favorite Mini-Reubens, which aren't really reubens but oven-toasted cocktail rye bread topped with horseradish sauce, slices of kielbasa, some Bavarian sauerkraut and Swiss cheese, then baked in a hot oven until hot.


We also made a Baked Artichoke/Crab Dip (a mixture of chopped artichoke hearts, canned crab, sliced green onions, grated parmesan cheese and enough mayonnaise to bind it all together, then baked for about 30 minutes in the oven until bubbly). I got the recipe from a co-worker probably 25 or 30 years. It is so tasty with toasted bread or crackers.


Thanksgiving dinner was the highlight of the day. Mike made a chive and herb butter and rubbed the turkey with it, then grilled the turkey outside on his barbecue. Boy was it good; moist and flavorful. Lily had dibs on a drumstick, but of course it had to be served on her princess plate...


And Lily didn't hesitate to dig in...


Luckily my dinner was served on a regular plate so I could make room for all the other stuff...mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, stuffing, green bean casserole (all from scratch, with not a hint of canned soup) and gravy.


After dinner, we took a long walk around their very hilly neighborhood for some much needed fresh air and exercise. The weather was cool, but not cold, and perfect for an early evening jaunt.

The last day of our visit, we went to the beach at Half Moon Bay. While everyone was suffering through below freezing weather here in Arkansas, for the most part (except for a little rain one day) we had beautiful weather. Our day at the beach was no exception....


We were so thrilled to be there, can't you tell??


Lily immediately began to challenge the waves coming into shore, running to safety as they lapped at her heels. Zoey was not quite as adventurous as her sister and kept herself at a very safe distance for quite some time...



When she finally got the nerve to get a little closer and touch the water...


...she was soooo proud of herself...


As I said, Lily was a little more adventurous. With each wave, she allowed the water to get a little closer...


Until she miscalculated the speed of one wave and...


After that, it was complete abandon...


So, how do you think her mom was feeling about her "abandon"???


Yeah, we've all been there, haven't we?

Then it was time to get the family photo. Oops, wait! Zoey's hair is in her eyes...


Oops, now her hands are in the way...


Well, now Zoey's ready, but Lily's not. Oh, well. I guess there's always Photoshop...


Anyway, didn't I tell you it was great??!! We had a blast, but we had to leave and head out to Fresno for the second half of our vacation to reunite with my Aunt Sally and her daughters (my cousins) Randy, Debbie and Rickey, all of whom I had not seen in about 20 years.

My cousin Rickey and her husband, Robert, generously provided a place for us to stay, opened their home and hosted everything!

As we did at Mike's, mostly we just hung out and talked and laughed about anything and everything. At the end of our first day, Tom and I went with Rickey to feed the horses at the ranch where she boards her three.

This is Rickey's fresian. What a gorgeous animal...the horse...


Robert and Tom loaded hay, oats and something else I can't remember onto a small trailer and drove from stall to stall and corral to corral giving horses specific quantities and grains.


I walked with Rickey behind the hay trailer that Robert and Tom were riding, but my specific job was mostly just staying out of the way and taking photos...


The next day, Rickey invited the whole family over for dinner. And Rickey cooked and cooked and cooked, but Robert deserves honorable mention because he grilled the steaks. Rickey started early with an array of yummy appetizers, but she did not miss the opportunity to make us Arkys feel completely at home by serving okra, a southern staple. Luckily, it was pickled okra. The only kind of okra I will eat.

Anyway, the dinner was amazing. Grilled steaks, truffled mashed potatoes (so incredibly delicious!), fresh steamed asparagus, hot french bread and a spinach dish I would have gladly kept for myself if I could have gotten away with it. It was simple (lightly sauteed spinach topped with toasted pine nuts and shaved parmesan cheese), but so darn tasty!


And here we are all together...in one place...at the same time...after 20 years. I can hardly believe it.


The following night, we had another fantastic meal which included a tender and juicy ham, roasted sweet potatoes and a slaw that will become a staple at my house. Instead of using mayonnaise for the dressing, Rickey mixed the cabbage with two or three containers of fruit-flavored low fat yogurt (peach and mango, I think), then she mixed in some roasted pine nuts and whole pomegranate seeds. It was heavenly. I wanted to make it this weekend, but Kroger didn't have pomegranate seeds (oh, that's a surprise!). I suppose I will have to make a trip to Little Rock.

That afternoon before that wonderful dinner, we all went out to Table Mountain Casino, about 15 minutes or so outside of Fresno. Tom was the big winner in our group with almost $1,000, but we all won something and all of us walked away with more money than we took with us.

Except for our visit to the stables and the casino, we essentially just sat around and visited. Even my cousins' kids and grandkids would come and go periodically. It was a whirlwind of people, some of whom I'd known almost my whole life and others I was meeting for the first time.

What struck me with my aunt and cousins is how damn good they all look! Not that I expected them to look bad or anything, but we are aging and they all still look so darn good! My Aunt Sally is almost 80 years old, but does this look like the face of a woman that age???


No, it doesn't. And she looks even better in person!

Besides the generous hospitality, the conversations, the laughter, the wonderful meals, the very best part of that visit was experiencing that sense of family...the continuity, the connection, the familiarity, the history. Even though we had not seen each other in so many years, it's still there and I am so grateful for it.

Happy 41st Anniversary Tom!

I have been thinking a lot about how to honor this day, 41 years of my life with you.


I thought about writing about what it's been like to be married to you, but I couldn't do that without chronicling the events that we've experienced together and that would be a book, not a blog post.


Instead, I thought I would merely list some of the things I love about you.

I love that you are a big guy in stature, but have such a gentle nature.

I love your compassion and acceptance of people, regardless of their background or politics or any other differences.

I love how you love me so openly and never hesitate to display your affection.

I love that you sometimes bring me flowers for no reason except that you love me.

I love how you quietly reach out and hold my hand when we are watching television or a movie.

I love that you cry at the touching or sad parts of movies or television shows, sometimes even before me.

I love that you love our sons no matter what.

I love how you show your grandchildren how much you love them, even when they are being their silliest or most outlandish.

I love how you work so hard with rarely a complaint and I love how proud you are of the work you do.

I love you for teaching our sons their basic work skills and work ethic.

I love how you took care of my mom while I established myself at my new job, making sure she went to her doctor's appointments, took her meds, everything, including fighting with her doctor to finally get her tested for dementia.

I love how you are so comfortable in your own skin.

I love your confidence.

I love your integrity.

I love how charming and charismatic you are.

I love how other people, especially women and children, gravitate towards you because you are so warm and safe.

I love how strong you are, even though you don't think you're not as strong as you used to be.

I love that you really love vegetables.

I love how your arms wrap all the way around me when you give me a hug.

I love how you always touch me, on the shoulder or back or head, when you pass by me in a room.

I love that you always want to kiss me good-bye, even when you're only going to the store.

I love you because I can tell you anything and you're never shocked and always supportive.

I love you because I don't ever have to pretend.

I love you because you always tell the truth, no matter what.

I love that you make coffee for us every single morning.

I love that you cook the best pasta dishes I've ever eaten and you enjoy doing it.

I love that you put on cologne after your shower even though we are staying home and it's only for me.

I love you because I can completely trust you.

I love you because you have taught me so much about myself.

I love that you tell me you love me every night before we go to sleep.

I love the smell of your skin in the morning.

I love you because you are my soul mate, and you believe I am yours.

I love you because you are the sexiest man I know.

I love all the little quotes we use that no one else understands, like how we sometimes start a phone conversation with "And let me tell you why..."

I love you because you are the first person who ever really loved me unconditionally.

I love that you think I'm pretty and sexy whether I'm skinny or fat.

I love that you make laugh every single day, no matter what is going on.

I love you because you are a nicer person than me.

I love you for sharing with me the best 41 years of my life.

A Special Day Today

Today is my husband's birthday. Today he turned 64 years old.

As is very characteristic, he didn't want anything for his birthday except a nice dinner: Mussels in a Saffron Cream Sauce and Chocolate Flan Cake. He feels like he has everything.

Tom is one of the most loving men I've ever known in my entire life. He has loved me unconditionally from the first time he said, "I love you." And loves his sons, daughters-in-law and grandkids more deeply than they could ever realize. He would do anything within his power for any one of us.

Tom is a man who'd rather give than receive. If you ask him if he is able to do something for you, he doesn't even think twice before saying yes. If it needs to be done and you ask him to do it, it's done.

Tom is also one of the happiest people I know. I joked with him last Sunday as he headed for church that he was going to be the happiest, most upbeat person there even though he was a little depressed. And I was right. He opens the door for church goers, welcomes them with a warm "Good Morning! Good to see you," often shaking their hands or patting their backs.

People are very comfortable with Tom, so much so that even restaurant servers and gas station or grocery clerks find it easy to reveal their very personal problems, issues and idiosyncrasies after Tom merely says "Hi! How are you today?" I tease Tom, asking him to please not ask people how they are because they will tell him, and 30 minutes later, I will still be waiting to leave for the destination or event for which we will now be late.

Tom is a hard and disciplined worker, rising early every single morning without an alarm clock, following his morning routine of coffee, oatmeal, packing his lunch and out the door around 7:15 am. He will work hard all day long, come home, shower, eat dinner, watch a little tv, then do it all again the next day. On weekends he can barely contain himself and by 8:00 am or so, he is out in the yard, in the garage or working on some other project at hand. When he does relax, he prefers to do so on the water in his old sailboat.

So, I have a Chocolate Flan Cake in the oven. Yesterday, Tom bought the mussels and I will cook them in his favorite sauce for dinner with lots of bread on the side to sop up the sauce. And he will think he's had the best birthday ever! Because that's just the kind of guy he is.

Happy Birthday, Honey! I love you and yes, I am grateful for being able to share this life with you.

A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. ~ Barry Goldwater

If I were still living in California today, I would be pissed off, irate, belligerent, livid and up-in-arms.

On Tuesday, I read this post @ Altadena Hiker, which gave me the first hint of park closures in California. WTH?? So, I went searching the news sites. Sure enough, Ahhh-nold is planning to close about 80% of California's state parks and firing 1,500 park rangers.

And, before we left for vacation, I was talking to my cousin, Rickey, about taking a trip out there in September and all of us going camping at New Brighton (on the beach) or Seacliff (on the beach) State Parks! It doesn't look like camping at our favorite beach state parks will be on our agenda.

New Brighton and Seacliff are on the cut list. So is Leo Carillo, Carlsbad, Torrey Pines, Morro Bay, Half Moon Bay, Natural Bridges and Sunset Beaches and Parks (you can see the full list here). All of those places I camped or visited so often as a child and then as an adult with my children. What a tragedy.

I am so mad and sad! But, I still miss California.

Today is Flag Day, You Know What That Means...

It's my birthday! Yes, really. Today I am 63 years old (old, old, old, old). Most days I don't feel it - my age, that is. I feel just like I did in my 40's, except I don't have teenagers to feed, clothe and yell at to turn the music down!

Well, back to packing. Tomorrow morning we leave for Yellowstone. Check out my Twittering on my side bar because I won't be taking my computer, but I will Twitter updates. And I will take pictures!

I hope you all have a calm, enjoyable, trouble-free two weeks!

Happy 16th Birthday Jacob!!

Well, I almost missed this post. I've been so busy getting the bedroom ready for Chris and getting the church newsletter done that I haven't posted since Monday.

But, it's Jacob's birthday today. 16 years old. Holy cow! First Zak turns 18, then Jacob turns 16. It's enough to make a person feel old.

So anyway, I talked to Chris (Jacob's dad) this morning and he said that Jacob's girlfriend, Hannah, put up a "Happy Birthday Jacob" sign in their front yard before Jacob got up. Tonight the family is going out for sushi, Jacob's dinner request.

Jacob, I hope you had a wonderful day and got all the attention you deserve, even if you really didn't want any and weren't in the birthday spirit! The rest of us had enough birthday spirit to go around.

Happy Birthday. Love you, Grandma