The Simple Woman's Daybook for August 31, 2009

FOR TODAY, MONDAY AUGUST 31, 2009...

Outside my window...the sun is shining. The high temp today is only supposed to be 81° and yesterday was only 79°. Spring in August. Go figure.

Waiting…for fall. It's been a horrible summer. I'm ready to move on.

Catching up on…blogging. I haven't blogged since last week, so I'm posting three blogs today.

I am thinking...about one of my favorite bloggers, AltadenaHiker. She is posting updates on the southern California fires that rage near her home. I am thinking about her and her neighbors today and hope they remain safe.

I am thankful for...everything.

From the kitchen...tonight pan-roasted kielbasa, sauteed cabbage and onions, parsley potatoes. I envy people who can make up a menu for an entire week and make the dishes for the night's they've designated. I just can't seem to stick to it.

I am wearing... navy blue tights, a long tie-dyed t-shirt and flip-flops.

I am creating... not much.

I am going... I've already been. I went to the church first thing this morning to print the newsletter.

I am reading...nothing except my new cookbook by Rick Bayless.

I am hoping...our Thanksgiving trip is relaxing and welcoming. I'm looking forward to visiting with my son and his family. I haven't seen my grandkids in nearly two years. And, I'm looking forward to my reunion with my beloved Aunt Sally and my cousins Debbie, Randy and Rickey. I haven't seen my Aunt Sally in nearly 20 years. She was such an important source of love, comfort and support during my childhood and teenage years. I am so glad we are making the time to spend with her and my cousins.

I am remembering…when I used to enjoy, or at least didn't mind, driving long distances by myself. That is a thing of the past I'm afraid. I don't even like driving long distances when Tom drives.

I am hearing...our neighbor put his recycle bin away.

Around the house...it's quiet.

One of my favorite things... the cool sand of the Florida Gulf Coast beaches.

A few plans for the rest of the week …I started painting the kitchen cabinets yesterday afternoon, so I'd like to finish up this week and next.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing... well, okay it's actually two photos. When we were in Savannah, my 16-year old grandson, Jacob, made this Chocolate Oreo Ice Cream Cake for his girlfriend, Hannah. Now, I know it looks a little bit melty, but it was delicious. His mom was using their oven, so he baked the cake in one deeper pan (to fit in the oven in the trailer we rented) and then cut the cake in half horizontally. Then he softened some vanilla ice cream, crushed some Oreo cookies and mixed them together and frosted the cake. Then he sprinkled the cake with more crushed Oreos. It didn't have enough time to really harden the ice cream like he wanted, but it was still delicious. I think I might even give it a try.



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He Swims With The Fishes

I don't have insomnia really. Since I've been taking my lovely little green pills (estrogen, not the pills with butterflies) I am sleeping better. I can fall asleep and stay asleep most of the night so long as I don't have a lot on my mind.

What does tend to happen is that I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, usually around 3:00 a.m. and when I do, I lay there hoping that feeling will just go away, and when it doesn't I get up, pee and go back to bed. This morning it was 3:12 a.m.

Unfortunately, it wakes Tom up, too. Or sometimes he is already awake because he has done exactly the same thing.

So, this morning, as we are laying there curled up next to each other in our "going to sleep" position, my back to his belly, the short conversation ensued.

TOM: How about blackened tilapia for dinner?

ME: That sounds awful.

TOM: Yeah, I thought so, too. I was trying to eliminate options.

ME: (sigh)

I'm A Weeper

...as if you didn't already know that. Just about anything touching can bring a tear to my eye and this morning it was the following post at Joy Unexpected, another blog to which I subscribe. She is writing about her 5-year old daughter.

"August 26, 2009

Letters

I walked past her room to put a load of laundry in the washer.

She was sitting at her desk, writing something on a piece of paper. She had a Very Serious Look on her face as her hand moved quickly across the paper.

It's not uncommon for her to sit quietly at her desk and write things or color. But I could tell that was she was doing was important. I walked into her room, knelt down by her desk.

"What are you writing, Mija?"

"I'm writing a letter to Opa, even though I know he's already dead."

Even though it's been 10 months since he died, it still feels like a punch to the gut to hear the words spoken out loud. He's dead. My Grandpa is dead..

"What does the letter say?" I asked.

She looked directly in my eyes and said "thank you for loving me while you were alive, Opa."

I was speechless. One of the things that I worried most about after he died was that she would forget him. That she would grow up not knowing how much he loved and adored her. I didn't worry about my boys, they are old enough to remember. They had so many more years with him than she did. They KNOW without a shadow of a doubt how much he loved that and what an amazing man he was. I am grateful for that. But I was sure she'd forget him, being only 4 years old when he passed.

That little girl hasn't forgotten her Opa. She still thinks about him, she misses him. But more importantly, she still knows that her Opa loved her. And oh my God, did he ever love her.

He loved us all. We were incredibly blessed to have his love for he was truly the most wonderful man.

Her letter to him gives me hope that even though he is gone, he will ALWAYS be wonderful in the eyes of my children.

Posted by Y at August 26, 2009 3:28 PM"

So, now that I am teary again, I'm off to yoga class, then to the church to finish the newsletter, then to a health care town hall held by my Congressman, Vic Snyder. It should be interesting. I'm taking my camera.

The Simple Woman's Daybook for Monday, August 23, 2009

FOR TODAY AUGUST 24TH, 2009..

Outside my window...the sun is shining and it is a cool 62 degrees. Simply a gorgeous, gorgeous morning, and it was like this all weekend long.

Waiting…for the spa repair guy to call to find out when he is going to come by to fix the spa.

Catching up on…laundry (because I goofed off all weekend long because it such a gorgeous weekend) and filing stuff in the office.

I am thinking...about my sister, Robin, who will have surgery next month...about our trip to California for Thanksgiving in November...about what to do for Christmas.

I am thankful for...everything. My husband, my health, my house and for the people in my life who continually show how much they love me.

From the kitchen...I'm not sure, but I really want to make something tasty.

I am wearing... gray crop pants, a turquoise and white tie-dyed shirt and flip-flops.

I am creating... more food blogs. Keeping up with two food blogs is proving to take more time than I thought. Sometimes, when I'm pressed for time, I just have cross-post them.

I am going... to run errands sometime today.

I am reading...still...Julie & Julia (saw the movie while we were in Savannah and loved it!!), but I'll get back to reading The Divine Commodity when I'm done.

I am hoping...for the impossible, I'm afraid.

I am remembering…the Christmas Tom and I had in Clearwater Beach, Florida a couple of years ago. Over the weekend, we talked about how much fun we had (even though it was kind of lonely by ourselves) and we may do it again, only this time take the boat and cruise down the intercoastal waterway.

I am hearing...the ceiling fan rattle slightly. Everything else is pretty quiet.

Around the house...I need to vacuum and dust.

One of my favorite things... is sitting in our den, watching a really good movie with Tom. Yesterday we watched Lars and the Real Girl. It was so beautifully touching, sad and uplifting that it made both of us cry.

A few plans for the rest of the week …getting caught up on producing the church newsletter, yoga class on Thursday (love it!!), signing up for a 12-week strength training class for seniors, church dinner on Wednesday night.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing... after the Savannah Gay Pride Parade, the kids got bored. Jacob's girlfriend, Hannah, and Tommy decided to do something wacky. The result? Grandpa and his 13 year old drag queen.


Tommy makes a pretty darn good lookin' girl, doncha think?

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Aging Not So Gracefully

An article in the Arkansas Democrat Gazette brought an "Awwwww" to my lips.

Missing kindergartner found in 1st grade
The Associated Press

Quoting the article

"VAN BUREN — A 5-year-old Van Buren kindergarten student who disappeared on the first day of classes was found safe in a first-grade classroom.

Police say Dakota Collins made a friend on the playground at Parkview Elementary School and followed the friend into class. Lt. Stephen Staggs says the boy put on the name tag of a boy who was absent and the teacher didn’t realize who he was.

Collins’ kindergarten teacher noticed him missing during roll call. Other teachers had seen him both during breakfast and on the playground.

As police went from classroom to classroom showing the boy’s photo, the first-grade teacher said she had a boy in class who looked just like the boy in the picture.

Staggs says the boy started crying and said he just wanted to be in class with his friend."

Does it bug you as much as it bugs me to hear parents claim their children are X-years going on X-years? Like five going on fifteen? (Yeah, I know, I did it too.)

Just when you think your child is more mature, more advanced, more anything than other children of his/her age, just read this article again to be reminded that...Um, nope, not so much.

A Letter to My President

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President:

It is clear you are struggling with the development of a comprehensive public option for your health care reform bill and in doing so have lost the support of most of us progressives.

Even though you were not my Democratic choice, I don't hold grudges. I'm here to help you, Mr. President, so may I propose the following:

MEDICARE OPEN TO ALL - financed by a reasonable premium, say 5% to 10% over what present Medicare recipients pay, which I believe is about $100 per month. Make it open to anyone with a valid social security card, as an OPTION, not a mandate, free from employers.

Stay away from co-ops, triggers, exchanges, mandates, taxes on benefits.

Keep it simple. Coverage for everyone using a successful plan already in place. Easy peasy.

Believe me, we progressives would be ecstatic and would support this REAL health care reform bill and when it's passed you can breath a sigh of relief and move on to other reform.

That's okay, you can thank me later... [Fist bump]

Just a Quick Thought...

I'll bet Hillary Clinton is chuckling in her oatmeal right now.

What Is Wrong With Me??

I am waiting ~ for the fourth day in a row ~ for some worker to get to my house "first thing in the morning" (it's now 9:15AM) to finish up the new A/C installation so I can get my errands accomplished.

When we arrived home Friday about 4:30PM the inside temperature was 88 degrees. I thought it was because I had set the thermostat to "vacation hold," but then I realized that I had set it to 80 degrees. The fan was going, but the air wasn't cool. I removed the "hold" but still no cool air.

As the evening approached, the air outdoors cooled down and temperatures were supposed to be around 72 degrees, so we opened all the windows, turned on all the fans and hoped for the best. Our bedroom didn't get below 85 degrees all night.

We had already planned to have our cooling and heating system completely replaced when we got back. While we were away, our A/C guy called Tom and asked him if he could started on the installation. Since we weren't home, Tom scheduled them to begin last Saturday.

The installers finished most of it Saturday night about 7:00PM and within an hour and a half, the temperature in the house dipped from 87.2 degrees to a very cool and very welcomed 72 degrees. The installers skipped Sunday to finish up, but came back yesterday and were here until after noon. Another guy was supposed to come by later and clean up (he had the truck). The only errand I was able to fit in was a trip to the post office to mail Mike's card for his upcoming birthday.

This morning I am waiting for the gas guys to come and hook up the gas line. They were supposed to be here "first thing," but apparently my "first thing" and their "first thing" are completely different "first things."

Tom and I have made some decisions over the last couple of weeks.

Today I will tackle the Goldie aka Poop Dogg aka G-Doggie issue. We have been talking about her a lot. We've gone back and forth, yes and no, go or stay, guilt ridden then definitive and back through all the thoughts, decisions and emotions again many times over.

After we lost our cat, Freebie, over a year ago, we started looking for a dog. We knew we wanted either a Shi Tzu or a Golden Retriever, two very different types of dogs. During the 1980's we had Gizmo, our happy-go-lucky, funny, beloved Shi Tzu for about 4 years and we loved him. We were devastated when he was injured beyond repair and had to have him put him to sleep. We bought another Shi Tzu shortly after we lost Gizmo, but before we could get attached to him, he somehow got out of the back yard and just disappeared one day. We didn't try again after that.

Fast forward to Goldie. We had been looking at different dogs and thought a Golden Retriever would be a good choice. They are supposed to be friendly, playful, loyal, wonderful companion dogs. Goldie's owner had contacted our veterinarian's office to tell them she was giving away her Golden Retriever breeder female. It just so happened that Tom stopped by their office a couple of days later and asked about Golden Retriever breeders. The rest is history.

If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that Goldie did not come without problems, but certainly not problems we could have anticipated. We took her to the vet within two days of taking her home and she tested positive for heart worm and was subsequently treated. Although a very gentle dog, she continues to be extremely timid and fearful regardless of how much interaction and praise she receives from us or others, so much so that true socialization has been impossible. This last trip to Savannah only served to emphasize her lack of progress over the last 16 months. It was sad and frustrating.

Tom and I discussed traveling with Goldie in the future and agreed that it was actually better and Goldie was happier staying at the kennel while we traveled. I think we realized, too, that she is just happier in a kennel...period. She had spent 6 years in a kennel and that's where she feels safe and comfortable.

We could build a kennel for her and keep her there like her previous owner did and she would be, if not happy, very comfortable and feel secure. I don't feel comfortable doing that. And, we wanted a companion dog and poor Goldie is certainly not that.

To be honest, I cannot see myself continuing to attempt to socialize and interact with Goldie without seeing some sort of progress and Tom feels the same way. I don't want to have to leash her to a chair to make her stay in the same room with me, instead of running to hide in the living room between the couch and coffee table, a small space which, for her, replicates the small space of a kennel. I hate it that she still continues to slink in fear when Tom or I call her. I hate that she still almost always walks with her tail between her legs. I hate that she still darts out of a room in sheer terror if I drop something on floor ~ a shoe, a spoon...anything. I hate that she is still afraid of everything, including the kittens at Chris' house. I hate that she has no instinctual interest in anything ~ other animals, other people ~ and really has not developed any sort of personality.

Over this last vacation, I realized that either Goldie will NEVER be a companion dog or I am completely unable or unwilling or both to put in the work required to help her become one. So, the bottom line? Today, sadly and with guilt, I am putting an ad in the paper to give her away to a family that IS willing and able to give that to her. She just deserves more than I can give her.

I Am Crying...

Alright, not full blown sobbing, but tears are running down my cheeks to the side of my nose and heading toward my mouth.

I am a reader of a blog titled This Is Reverb. I love this guy. He's a young pastor, tattooed and pierced and he's got those things in his ears that make the holes bigger...I just cannot remember what they're called (my grandson, Jacob, has them, too). So, Pastor Ryan is certainly not your typical grey-suited, clean shaven minister. He's a pastor, but doesn't preach much. When he does preach (sort of), he's not preachy, if you know what I mean. What he does most is share his life, in beautiful photos and very few words.

Pastor Ryan is a husband and the father of a 3-year-old daughter and a newly born son.

This morning I had another of his posts in my Google reader titled "Thoughts on having a boy..." The post is not about God. It's not about Jesus. It's not about religion. It's about love. It is about his newborn son, barely a week old and reading the post and viewing the beautiful photos brought tears to my eyes. I hope you will click on the "title" link to read his post, too.

If it doesn't bring a tear to your eye and a smile to your face, you probably need to be locked up somewhere and medicated heavily.

He who gives up the smallest part of a secret has the rest no longer in his power. ~ Jean Paul Richter

I love that quote. I've been thinking a lot about secrets because of an email I received from my youngest sister. She did what is NEVER done in our family...she shared something personal that might make her vulnerable.

In her email to me she said, "The reason I decided to share my illness with you is because historically our family has kept anything ... well guarded, not only from outsiders but from each other as well. It's as if we were trained to present this perfect life. If our children do something wrong we don't speak of it. If we are ill we don't speak of it."

She is so right.

In our house, if there was a problem, it was our fault, plain and simple. We could also be blamed for the problem of another sister or my parents. My father, in particular, would always say, "There's no such thing as an accident." Fault and blame were the game and we all learned to be good at it. There was no such thing as support; no such thing as sensitivity; no such thing as help, comfort and problem solving. Kindness was out, criticism was in and there was more than enough to go around. With little reason or provocation, our family could and would pick you apart until you bled, so why give them more ammunition and tell them that you might have made a mistake. So we grew up being great secret keepers. We learned to solve problems on our own and what couldn't be fixed (because we didn't know how) was merely hidden until it worked itself out, if it ever did.

The sad thing about what happens to a person psychologically and emotionally is that you begin to think you see those blame-traits or ulterior motives in everyone. You distort everything everyone says into some sort of attack, even if the other person's intent is actually completely innocent. So you hide and pretend, and, at some point, almost begin to believe your own lies.

It's a lonely way to live. And it's a lie.

I have always said that Tom saved my life. While we've not had, by any means, the perfect marriage (is there such a thing?), he has always been patient, supportive, caring and kind, even when I would wrongly accuse him of the same ulterior motives I would so quickly assign to others.

Tom is sort of an out-there kinda guy; a real extrovert. Why shouldn't he be? After all, he wasn't raised by my parents. I always saw him as too open, too honest, always revealing way too much. I would cringe when he would tell someone something personal about our life or our kids, then everyone would know OUR FAMILY ISN'T PERFECT!!!

It scared the hell out of me. But, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I learned that secrets are counterproductive. Even if you think you are protecting yourself or your spouse or your children or your parents, you're really just pretending. And the more you pretend, the less likely you are to really take a good long honest look at your problems so you can at least attempt to resolve them.

I learned that everyone has problems; no one is perfect, as much as they'd like you to believe otherwise; everyone makes mistakes, sometimes little ones and sometimes whoppers; everyone needs support and it doesn't matter a wit what other people think.

And, yes, there are such things as accidents.

Big Dawg to the Rescue

According to a new article on ABCnews.com, former President Bill Clinton has negotiated the pardon and release of the two journalists held in North Korea and they could be on a plane tonight on their way home to their families.

Thank you President Clinton.

Clinton haters can say what they want. I just love this guy!

The Simple Woman's Daybook for Monday, August 3, 2009

FOR TODAY...

Outside my window...the sun is shining, the birds are congregating around the bird feeder, the baby bunny is in the grass underneath it and mama bunny is over by the fence. It's a cool 72 degrees, but will be warm this afternoon.

Waiting…for the world to change. I know it won't happen. Remember when they asked Ronald Reagan why he changed political parties from Democrat to Republican. His answer, "I didn't change, they did." That's how I feel; like the world around me changed and I didn't. I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Catching up on…laundry, bill paying and errands today.

I am thinking...about an article I read over the weekend about bullying. Very interesting stuff.

I am thankful for...my health. I am thinking about it particularly today because my youngest sister has recently been diagnosed with Lupus, in addition to another neurological disease, and is deteriorating rapidly. I have (had) four sisters. The other three have either passed away or are incapacitated in some way. One has passed from cancer. One is nearly bedridden from various afflictions. One has life-threatening heart disease and is being kept alive with medications. Me...well, I'm fat, but disease free.

From the kitchen...gosh, I have no idea yet this morning. I wish I could be like some of those other women and men out there in the blogosphere who post weekly and sometimes monthly menus. I used to do that, but now I just cook what sounds good for that night. Right now, nothing sounds good.

I am wearing... a salmon colored Margaritaville t-shirt and blue shorts. I'm barefoot.

I am creating... lists. We are leaving Friday for a few days and I have to have everything ready to go.

I am going... to run errands this afternoon.

I am reading...Julie & Julia by Julie Powell. I wanted to read it before I saw the movie.

I am hoping...I can get everything done by Friday.

I am remembering…a quote I read recently: People who are brutally honest get more satisfaction out of the brutality than out of the honesty. ~ Richard J. Needham. The intention is not really to be honest, but to merely express anger and brutality and make the "target" person feel insignificant and de-valued. It has to do with that "bullying" article I read. Bullies are unhappy people who look for weakness in others and then attack, often times continuing long after the attack to provoke. This makes them feel powerful.

I am hearing...the hum of my computer and the lawn care guys mowing Mrs. Duke's lawn.

Around the house...vacuuming, the last of the laundry, dusting.

One of my favorite things... when Tom calls me and says, "I have to tell you what I just heard on NPR," after which a short discussion ensues.

A few plans for the rest of the week …getting ready to leave. We have rented a small travel trailer instead of staying in a hotel. The cost is less half of staying in a hotel and we enjoy the flexibility more.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...


These peppers are not from my garden. My garden is producing little more than a couple of grape tomatoes. Everyone already knows that. These peppers are from my son, Chris', garden, which is obviously growing significantly better than mine and he wanted to make sure I knew how well it was doing so he sent this photo to my cell phone and the message read, "Hot pepper anyone?". When I opened the message on my phone, I could have sworn I heard the faint call of a childish braggart: neener, neener, neener

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