Forgiveness... What is it really?

A few days ago, I used a quote from my favorite rabbi, Yehuda Berg. Rabbi Berg talks about God by using terms like the Light and the Universe, terms not "hooked" to any specific religion. Kabbalah is defined by many as "Jewish Mysticism," but it doesn't seem mystical at all to me. It seems pretty grounded. But, then, my spiritual journey has always been riding on the outside edge of everything, so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. What works for me certainly is not going to work for all.

So anyway, Rabbi Berg teaches that we are all connected. Pretty radical stuff, huh? But, I am over-simplifying.

I receive a daily lesson, or "tune up" as Rabbi Berg calls it. I have edited slightly the lesson that follows to make it a little more palatable and a little less over-the-top for my Christian friends, but the lesson remains the same and is an important one that addresses the necessity for forgiveness.

When we forgive, we can look at the person who hurt us from a whole new angle. Maybe this person is here to show us we are not open as we thought, maybe they are here to push us to go to a new level, maybe they are removing judgment from our life.

Whatever the reason, forgiveness brings empathy, it brings understanding, and it brings us out of the inner-dialogue of blame and regret.

Today, put the scales of justice away and say "shush!" to the vengeful voice in your mind. Just forgive. ....You can never know..true peace..unless you know forgiveness.

How many of us approach a situation by having to be right? Make our point? Win the argument? Prove we are better or smarter or kinder or wealthier or happier or more spiritual or more stable or whatever than someone else? I'll admit it. I do sometimes. I try not to, but revenge or spite or sheer arrogance just rears its ugly head and I just lose control trying to be in control.

For me, that's what it is about. Control. Sometimes when I say I want to help, it's just about control...not just control, but who's in control and that "who" is me. And I do it when I feel I am out of control of myself; out of control of my emotions, my circumstances, my life in general. But, control is heavy. It's a burden. It's like carrying rocks in a back-pack 24/7. It's always a struggle to maintain an upright position and the constant weight of it periodically creates a balancing act and you wind up trying to get more control and when you do, you add more rocks and the weight becomes heavier and finally unbearable. Its a vicious cycle.

Letting go and forgiving is giving up control. It's hard to do even if you want to do it. But, if you can forgive...even the smallest forgiveness lightens your load. You will truly feel the difference in your body. You'll breathe better, deeper; stand straighter; your muscles will relax. Best of all, it quiets those angry voices in your head and heals your heart.

Speaking only for me...

You can get all A's and still flunk life. ~ Walker Percy

What a week. I'm not looking forward to doing it again any time soon. I worked three 10 hour days, filling in for Big D while he was on vacation. I hated it...every minute, every second after 5:00pm. I don't like working hours like that, even if it is only three days. My head hit the pillow at 10:00pm last night and I completely missed a 30 minute thunderstorm...heavy rain, thunder, lightening, the whole nine yards. I didn't hear a thing until I heard Tom snoring this morning at 5:30am.

What I also did not appreciate about Big D's whole vacation thing was that no one...not Big D...not Boss...even asked me if it was a bad time for me to fill in nor did they even ask if I could. It was just assumed. And, of course, I just did it. So, it was my bad, too. I admit it.

Okay, so I learned a lot. I learned more about reading the charts, setting up equipment (like for Interferential Stimulation...how's that for a freakin' phrase??) and helping patients with their ice packs, hot packs and exercises. It would have been kind of cool if I didn't feel like a complete fish-out-of-water and I hadn't been so tired and ticked off at them and myself.

So, why did I choose that specific quote for the title?

In the blur of these last 3 long days, I encountered my first illiterate person on Wednesday morning; a new patient. I don't know why I was so stunned and saddened by it. Stunned that this grown woman, just 10 or 15 years younger than me, had never learned to read a word. Stunned that she was able to find a job (housekeeping in the dorms at a local college), make a life for herself, raise children and function in this world. Saddened that she'd never read a newspaper, magazine or book, not even the Bible, the staple text for Christians and she was clearly deeply Christian.

When she came in, I reached out to hand her the new patient forms to fill out and she said, "Honey, you're gonna have to help me with these." I thought at first that she might be in pain and unable to hold the pen or the clipboard, but then I noticed her referral was for lower back pain and I felt a little confused. But, I took the clipboard and a pen into the waiting room, sat down next to her and asked her if she wanted me to read the questions to her. She nodded and I began reading off the general info questions...name, address, phone numbers, blah, blah, blah...and filling in the blanks. It really didn't occur to me that she really couldn't read until we were through with the first form and I asked her to sign it. She could barely write her own name. Unlike you and I signing our names with a flourish of comfortable, well-practiced capital and lower case cursive letters, hers was a laborious, slow task, each letter formed with a tentative, deliberate hand.

The next form was her medical history. I told her I had to ask some very personal questions and asked if she wanted me to continue. She said simply, "Yes, Ma'am, that's okay." She answered every question directly and completely, divulging illnesses, surgeries, injuries and medications for "stress." If she didn't understand what something meant, she would ask me to clarify. After each explanation, she would think a second, then answer, then we would move on to the next question. If she was embarrassed by any of it, she hid it well, but I don't think she was embarrassed at all. She handled herself with a dignity and grace that I just would not have expected. She had accepted her illiteracy long ago and my own prejudices and stereotypes were blown away by her.

I was walking to the back of clinic when she came out of her therapy room to leave. She walked over to me, gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you for helpin' me, honey. Maybe I'll see you in the store or somethin'."

"Hey, if you give hugs like that every time, I sure hope so," I said. "Take care."

"Thanks, honey. You, too," and she was out the front door.

I felt so blessed to be working there that day. Not all week, mind you. Just that day.

The Mensa Invitational...

Advertised all over the internet as the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, it really was merely a Style Invitational which asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition, but it's funny, no matter what the challenge:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~ W. Edwards Deming

FOR TODAY FEBRUARY 23rd, 2009...

Outside my window...the sun is shining, but it's cold...only 35 degrees, but we are expecting a warming trend. Good. I'm tired of the cold and I've been ready for spring since January 2nd.

Waiting…for the phone to ring...a call from work to let me know that the computer guy is there to install our computer system (yes, right now we are and have been doing everything manually). I need to learn how to use it. The company (5 physical therapy clinics) is a little backwards. They are installing the system, then teaching us how to use it instead of the other way around. Not very good planning, in my view.

Catching up on…paperwork.

I am thinking...about everything. Tom hasn't worked in a week and a half, but has a new contract as of today. He has work coming up, but things are really slow. I want the flip to sell. I don't want to fill the propane tank again to keep the house warm while it's empty. I am realizing how different Karen and I are from each other. I am worrying about Mike and Kathy and Chris and Kelly and how this recession is hurting them. I'm not looking forward to this week at work. Big D is gone to Boston and I have to work late (to 6:00pm) Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I really do hate the late days.

I am thankful for...Tom each and every day and for the life we've had together so far.

From the kitchen...I'm not sure what I will make tonight. I'm thinking some kind of casserole.

I am wearing... white sweats, black turtleneck and black UGG boots. As I said, it is still cold outside.

I am creating... nothing. I'm not feeling very creative. I'm on the declining edge of a migraine and I'm not really feeling like doing much of anything.

I am going... to work later, I think, then to the grocery store.

I am reading...I have started reading a new book yet, but my next one will be the book Tom gave me for Christmas, Multiple Bles8sings by Kate and Jon Gosselin (Jon & Kate Plus 8).

I am hoping...construction and housing sales pick up soon.

I am remembering…growing up as a child, so much of our lives were kept secret. Every member of my family kept everything close to the chest, so to speak. Sadly, it hasn't changed much.

I am hearing...the tick of the clock. It's quiet. Karen is in bed, her television is off, her dog, Bella, isn't barking. I cherish Monday mornings because of the quiet.

Around the house...the vacuuming is done and so it the laundry. Whoo Hoo!

One of my favorite things... now. Writing it all down, getting it in the open, not hiding, not being secretive. It bothers some people in my family, I know, because they prefer to continue to keep secrets. I don't. I've done it for too long. It's counterproductive, at least in my opinion.

Recently…Tom began tearing out the wall and closet in the laundry room (it was divided into to two rooms). Yesterday, he laid tile where the washer and dryer will be relocated. Today, he will grout and also paint the walls. It's coming right along. I'm taking photos, so I will share when he is done. Don't expect "elegance" or "spectacular". It's only a laundry room.

A few plans for the rest of the week …working mostly and a baked potato supper at church Wednesday night.

Plans to focus on…I'm starting to plan my garden. I try to draw a diagram every year so I know exactly what to buy and where it will go.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing... yesterday we watched the movie, Taking Chance...


Based on The Simple Woman’s Daybook

Thorn in My Side...

There are days when I feel like I believe in the Christian teachings. There are days when I feel like I believe in Judaism. There are days when I believe as a Buddhist. There are days when I feel like I believe the Kabbalistic teachings. Then there are those days when I feel like I can weave all the teachings of all faiths together into my own spiritual belief.

My spiritual journey is an odd one, I know.

What I always believe is that stuff in our lives happens for a reason, whether it's merely to teach us about how to appreciate the small joys in our lives, or simply how to make better decisions or teach us something deeper about ourselves and how we live and relate in this world and, maybe, the universe.

I receive an inspirational and spiritual lesson in a daily dose. It's almost like preventative medicine. It gives me something to think about. God knows, I love to think.

Some of favorite quotes and lessons come from Yehuda Berg. This is one I received just the other day...

Your soul is on a lifetime journey of correction. The difficult people you encounter are sent to help you complete this journey. Meaning, every difficult interaction is supposed to strengthen and teach you something.

That annoying colleague you wish would be transferred? He's in your life for this purpose. That overbearing in-law you wish would move to another state? She's in your life for this purpose. Every single human who crosses your path, from your mom to your landlord, are here for this purpose of helping you learn and grow.

Today, change the way you see the "annoying people." Instead of avoiding them, or hating them, ask, "What are they teaching me?"

Some days, I don't want to know or think about what I'm supposed to learn. I'm on the declining end of a migraine; my first one in a very long time, probably years. So, today I just want those annoying people to go away.

Ommmmmm.

I Believe...

I received the following essay from my cousin, Rickey. I loved it so much, I just had to share it with everyone.


A Birth Certificate shows that we were born,
A Death Certificate shows that we died,
Pictures show that we lived!
Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly.

I Believe...
That just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change..

I Believe...
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe...
That you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I Believe...
That either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I,
can do anything,
or nothing
and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people
you expect to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do
with what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough,
to be forgiven by others.
sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you
- you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...
That you should share this with
all of the people that you believe in.

Lack of appreciation is synonymous with lack of happiness. ~ Yahuda Berg

My job. I like that I only work part-time, except for Thursday when I work from 8:00am until 6:00pm. That's why I retired from financial aid. The hours. I just got really tired of the hours.

I like that the clinic where I work is less than 5 minutes from my house. In the summer, I can ride my bike to work if I want. After commuting to Little Rock for so many years, being this close to my place of employment is seriously very cool.

But...you know there has to be a "but" in there somewhere... but the physical therapist I work with is obsessed with football, so much so that he has this song as a ringtone for his cell phone...

...and it rings several times a day.

AND it is apparently absolutely essential that we listen to sports talk radio all day long. Not just any sport talk radio...local, Arkansas Razorback sports talk radio. To make things even worse, one of the DJ's on this radio station is Tommy Smith, probably THE most obnoxious, misogynistic man on the planet, except for maybe Howard Stern. This Tommy Smith.

Last week, I thought we might have a break. My boss walked over to the radio and changed the station! Oh, Yeah, I thought. As he tuned in the station, I recognized Jeff Matthews voice and I knew he had tuned into B98.5 (music from the 80's, 90's and today). That was going to be just fine with me. But, Jeff kept talking and talking and talking and they weren't playing any music. Then I realized they were doing their annual Arkansas Childrens Hospital Fundraiser.

Now, I know you are going to think I am cold and insensitive, but I cannot listen to that either...at least not all day long, and certainly not all week long.

It was three days of the saddest stories you'd ever want to hear. Crying parents, crying nurses, choked up doctors, crying DJ's. Songs like "Butterfly Kisses" with voice-overs of children who are talking about their medical procedures. Stories about infants and toddlers, cancer, chemo. Sob, sob, sob all day long. And, that's all anyone could talk about. My boss. All of our patients. Everyone had a very, very sad story about a critically ill or dying child. At one point on Thursday, the last day of the radio-thon, I had to go into the bathroom because I couldn't control my tears.

When I got home that night, I was so depressed that I could barely make it through dinner without crying. And, when we finally went to bed and there were no more distractions and it was quiet, I just started to cry and I just couldn't stop.

I think I'm going to take my cd player into work and put on New Age spa music.



FOR TODAY FEBRUARY 16, 2009...

Outside my window...the sun is shining, but it is cold. About 33º. It's much cooler than it was last week.

Waiting…for the warm weather to stay for awhile. I'm anxious to get out in my yard to start gardening.

Catching up on…blogging, finally

I am thinking...about Goldie. Tom took her into the veterinarian this morning. She has a sore right paw. We think it is because her claws are so long and misshapen. Her previous owner had allowed her nails to grow so long that they became completely misshapen and the quick grew almost all the way down to the end of the nail. We have her nails cut every single week since we got her last April to encourage the quick to recede, but you can only cut a tiny little bit at a time and her nails are still so rediculously long that she still can't walk correctly. Dr. Chris might have to just cut them all the way to where they need to be and cauterize the quick. She will, of course, be sedated.

I am thankful for...my job, Tom's work and our ability to survive comfortably in this economy.

From the kitchen...I am going to make Spanakopita for dinner.

I am wearing... Nike cold weather pants and white sweatshirt with a green long sleeve t-shirt underneath. Oh, and slippers.

I am creating... the design for the alter at church.

I am going... to work this morning. I just got a call from Boss. The other person who works part-time, Big D, is sick today.

I am reading...nothing at the moment.

I am hoping...Big D is not sick all week long.

I am remembering…all the wonderful vacations we took to Florida. I love the beaches and the weather, particularly in the winter when it is so cold here.

I am hearing...the hum of my laptop and the click of my fingers on the keys.

Around the house...all is quiet. I love this time of day. No constant tv noise, no human to animal conversations, no barking. Just quiet and peaceful.

One of my favorite things... I have a long black sweater with white flecks through it and fringe down the front and around the collar. I bought it from Chico's. I love that sweater. I wore it all day yesterday.

Recently…our pastor, Tammy, asked me if I would be willing to produce the church newsletter. I accepted.

A few plans for the rest of the week …go shopping for fabric.

Plans to focus on…painting the kitchen cabinets and the trim.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing... one of the photos on my office wall...


Based on The Simple Woman’s Daybook

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. ~ Margaret Thatcher

I'd like to say I'm a religious person. But I would be lying. Let's just say, I am trying to be more spiritual, whatever that means.

Tom and I go to church every Sunday and I can learn things from just about every sermon our pastor, Tammy, gives. But, it is hard for me. I wasn't brought up in a faithful home. As a matter of fact, my parents were critical of people of faith, often chiding them for "needing a crutch." I've come to learn that we all need a "crutch" at one time or another, but we don't all use the same crutches.

Anyway, I've had to explore spirituality and/or religions on my own, draw from experience and seek out what makes sense and discard what doesn't. So, I go to church. But, because I go to church doesn't necessarily mean that I believe every single word, or every single message, or every single anything. It only means that I am trying, which is the point of this post.

So, Tammy has asked me if I want to do the church newsletter. I said sure. It would mean that I have to write a little differently. I won't be able to say things like, Get your crap ready for the church garage sale! And probably, using the word "freakin'" in any context is out of the question. But, I'm flexible. I can do it. I'm trying.

And, I am also helping to decorate the alter for lent. I'm helping pick the fabric and Tom has drawn a picture of my ideas for the top and front of the alter. It will give the feeling of sand, rocks and an occasional palm tree to represent Jesus being in the desert for the 40 days. I'm trying.

I am trying. I am trying to learn. I am trying to find out what fits for me. And, I don't feel like I can make an informed decision without learning. So, here I am, trying; going to church every Sunday; trying to be a better, even nicer person; trying to give more; trying to understand; trying to be patient; and I feel like I leave church every Sunday with something for me to think about or meditate on in the coming week. I leave church feeling positive.

Then we stop at Kroger on the way home from church. We're just having nibbles for dinner. When I say nibbles, I mean sort of a-little-of-this-and-a-little-of-that finger food instead of a meal. This Sunday, Tom wanted to make some fried ravioli with marinara dipping sauce. Last night, we finally went to Michaelangelo's for dinner and ordered their version of Macaroni Grill's Bella Napoli (chips made from won-ton skins topped with crumbled sweet Italian sausage, sliced black olives, roasted red peppers and Asiago cheese sauce) and I thought we could make our own version tonight.

We enter the store in the produce section and see strawberries (which they were completely out of when I wanted some last week for the dessert panini), so I pick them up and I picked up a package of won-ton skins before leaving that section of the store. Everything was fine until we started looking for the ravioli. They didn't have any fresh ravioli...you know, like in the pasta section. The store had lots of pizza, lots of prepared dinners, lots of bags of everything else and the next thing I know, the words, JESUS CHRIST !!! fly out of my mouth, followed by GOD DAMMIT !!

Yep, I was then on a roll. Even after we found the "ravioli section", which was comprised of a bag of square cheese ravioli, a bag of small round cheese ravioli and three bags of big square beef and cheese ravioli, I was still fuming about my lack of choices (where is a Trader Joe's when you need one!!). It was freakin' this and freakin' that until Tom tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Honey, it's only ravioli. You might want to ratchet it down just a little bit."

He was right and I stopped, but I was still fuming and the young man who started scanning our groceries at the checkout counter didn't help.

CLERK: Did you find everything you needed?

ME: (pouty face and voice) Yeah, pretty much.

CLERK: Well, if you didn't find it here, you can probably live without it.

I wanted to scream, No, I cannot live without it!! In fact, I might just die unless I get some freakin' decent four cheese ravioli! I wanted to ask him if he was related to the other clerk who told me the nearly rotten zucchini would be fine since I was using it in soup! But, I didn't bother. It wouldn't have helped. I think I just made a noise that sounded sort of like a growl.

But, I'm still trying.

Happy Valentine's Day !!

It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain. ~ Mark Twain

I bet you that's what Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue did before he called for a prayer vigil to end their drought a little over a year ago. You can't tell me ole Sonny wasn't checkin' out Weather.com and the Farmer's Almanac before he set the date.

Some other boring weather related info:

• Believe it or not, there are some people who think the climate should be the same wherever they go.


• Years ago, someone told me that Californians cannot cope with climate changes. It was a fellow Californian who said it. I believe it.


• Kirkwood and Mammoth Ski Resorts got about a foot of snow yesterday


• During the same time period, Nevada got torrential rains


• Oklahoma suffered damage and 8 people died from deadly tornadoes


• We got severe thunderstorms with tornado watches and warnings most of the night. I laid awake hoping the tornado siren wouldn't go off and 3 large people, a large dog, a small dog and a skitterish cat wouldn't have to squeeze into the hall closet for tornado safety. That would have made me very cranky.

So, in keeping with the subject of weather, I give you the following few moments of weather humor...at least I think it's humorous. I didn't write it. It wasn't really even my idea to post it. I just copied it from Homefront Six. I also like her 100 Things a lot better than mine.

Anyway, without further adieu...


AN ANNOTATED THERMOMETER

212º - Water Boils. Death Valley residents put on deodorant.

200º - Arizona children amuse themselves by dropping eggs on sidewalk and giggle while they fry.

150º - Miami residents put on sunglasses. Texans turn on the fan.

130º - Too hot to think. Texans and Californians undo top button. Antarctica is gone, polar bears extinct.

120º - Australians notice the sun is out. All Europeans and Canadians spontaneously combust.

110º - Canadians weep. New Yorkers burst open street fire hydrants.

105º - Texans drink coffee. Alaskans melt.

100º - British start sacrificing goats to make the sun go away. Californians finally turn off the heaters.

90º - Death Valley residents awaken. Scandinavians go underground.

80º - Canadians turn on the air conditioning full blast. Arizona residents stop shivering.

70º - Alaskans declare record heatwave. Californians rise from hibernation.

60º - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe).

50º - Miami residents turn on the heat.

40º - You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming. Siberians melt.

35º - Italian cars don't start.

32º - Water freezes.

30º - You plan your vacation to Australia, Minnesotans put on T-shirts, Politicians begin to worry about the homeless, British cars don't start.

25º - Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming.

20º - You can hear your breath, Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further south.

15º - French cars don't start, You plan a vacation in Mexico, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you.

10º - Too cold to ski, You need jumper cables to get your car going.

5º - You plan your vacation in Houston, American cars don't start.

0º - Alaskans put on T-shirts, too cold to skate.

-10º - German cars don't start, eyes freeze shut when you blink.

-15º - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansas residents stick tongues to metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist.

-20º - Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start.

-25º - Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get driver going.

-30º - You plan a two week hot bath, The Mighty Monongajela freezes. Swedish cars don't start.

-40º - Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, your car helps you plan your trip south.

-50º - Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window.

-60º - Hell freezes over, Polar bears move south!!

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ~ Albert Einstein

Good ole Uncle Al. He was a smart guy, wasn't he?

Look what we have created. Computers, internet, email, texting, Myspace, Facebook, Blackberries, iPhones...there's no need to personally connect anymore, one on one, face to face, voice to voice. Everything is done electronically. Money and the quest for lots of it has replaced relationships. People are working longer hours to make more money to buy more things for themselves and their kids; always looking for the better neighborhood, the best schools, the nicer car, the fastest computers, the latest gadgets.

I know, I know. The argument is that they want the best life for their kids. But, you know what? It doesn't exist. There is no "best life." There is just life, and life is truly what you make it. But, without deep, loving, safe, encouraging, trusting personal relationships, none of the stuff means anything. A child can go to the crappiest school in the district and be a successful adult. Every college graduate, or CEO, or CFO, or business owner, or banker, or doctor, or lawyer, or pilot, or artist, or writer, or cop, or firefighter did not necessarily attend the best school in their town. Each one attended the school in their neighborhood, good or bad, and became a successful adult sometimes in spite of it and sometimes because of it. We need to stop blaming schools and teachers and principals.

So, along with teaching our children how to use Webkinz and electronic gadgets, teach them how to hug, share, listen and look someone in the eye when they speak. Teach them how to shake hands and smile. Teach them how to say "please" and "thank you." Teach them how to talk and converse with others. Teach them how to skate, ride a bike, play and get dirty. Teach them how to be a responsible individual, but also be a team player who knows how to cooperate, negotiate and win or lose a debate or competition gracefully. Yes, teach them how to compete, but do so appropriately, with dignity, honesty, integrity and always do their very best. Teach them to be courageous, adventurous and open to challenges outside their comfort zone. And, most important of all, teach them how to fail, because if they aren't failing, they aren't learning or trying.

Just my opinion....



FOR TODAY FEBRUARY 9, 2009...

Outside my window...the weather couldn't be more beautiful. Okay, that's a lie. Instead of 70 degrees, it could be 80 degrees, but I'll gladly take this, because the sun is shining and the breeze is blowing and the heat has been off for 4 days now. It's supposed to rain, but I'm not seein' any clouds yet.

Waiting…for stores to open (Hobby Lobby and Best Buy) so I can finish running my errands for the day.

Catching up on…paying bills, what else?

I am thinking...about having my sister's dog, Bella's vocal chords cut. She has become quite the barker! Okay, just kidding, but it still drives me crazy.

I am thankful for...Tom, everything he is.

From the kitchen...the beef roast is in the slow roaster. We are having shredded beef tacos with fresh pico de gallo, refried beans and Mexican rice for dinner.

I am wearing... my Nike cold weather sweats (again, because they are comfortable, not because it is cold, a long sleeve black and tan t-shirt and flip-flops.

I am creating... a pair of cold weather booties

It will get cold again, and I will need them.

I am going... to run a few more errands this afternoon

I am reading...nothing right now.

I am hoping...my health continues to be good.

I am remembering…what is was like when I was younger, full of energy. Unfortunately, that person got older and fatter and now has a lot less energy than I used to have.

I am hearing...Bella bark in the back yard.

Around the house...bark, bark, bark. I think I'm going to go nuts.

One of my favorite things... quiet.

Recently…I volunteered to decorate our church alter for lent. The errands I'm running today are for the fabric I will need.

A few plans for the rest of the week …besides work, I am finishing up the cross Tom made for our church and we will hang it up at the end of the week.

Plans to focus on…starting to finish the painting that needs to be done in the kitchen, dining room and trim on the doors, so I can start to finish the flooring Tom made for the den and the hallway.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...


Based on The Simple Woman’s Daybook

Winter is nature's way of saying, "Up yours." ~ Robert Byrne

Today is Sunday.

We got up about 7:00am (no alarm), had coffee, and been to church and back. Good service this morning about service and finding opportunities to serve. You don't have to believe in God to believe that it is important to serve...you know, volunteer, give back, reach out and care for others. There are thousands of ways to serve.

So, when we got home, I changed clothes and we were off to Tucker Creek Trail. I put a new podcast from Podrunner on my iPod. I've decided not to use the intervals for running right now. The podcast I used, "The Pound," is for running, but I walked instead ~ 2-1/2 miles ~ at 137 bpm. It was a little fast, but when I finished I felt great. Tom and Goldie went with me. Tom would take Goldie down to the creek occasionally, but instead of drinking the water, she'd just lay down in it. I suppose that was refreshing enough for her.

Now I am sitting out on the back patio. It's about 70 degrees outside with a slight haze and a light breeze. It is glorious after being cooped up in the house since the cold weather set in sometime in December. I am wearing my Nike cold weather sweats (because they are very comfortable, not because it is cold), a Margaritaville t-shirt and orange LL Bean flip-flops...really....see...



It was even more beautiful yesterday. The windows in house have been open for two days. It's been just amazing. I spent some time outside cleaning some of the stems and leaves off the water plants in the pond and cutting dead branches from some of the other plants. For dinner, I made Chris' ribs on the grill outside and made potato salad and deviled eggs to go with them. We ate dinner outside on the patio. It was wonderful. I'm taking full advantage while I can. Thunderstorms are forecasted for tomorrow and another cooling trend to follow. That's okay. It's beautiful now.

I am sipping an iced coffee from the orange coffee leftover from this morning's pot. And I have a lot on my mind, so I will take this opportunity to just write down a few things, in no particular order.

I have been thinking a lot about how survivors of abuse (emotional, physical, sexual) often always think of themselves as victims in any given situation. That's the only role they know because that's how they grew up...as a victim of someone else's dysfunction. Sometimes even maturing doesn't change their view of themselves. They continue to move through life as a victim. It's a hard role to shed because it's familiar and feels comfortable.

Those of us who grew up in abusive families tend to find it an endless challenge to look at situations in our lives and say, "I'm here and this is happening because of the choices I made, not because of what someone did to me." It is absolutely necessary to take full responsibility for one's life, stop blaming someone or something else and relinquish the victim role. Well, enough of that...

I have been thinking about summer vacation. I don't know how much time I will be able to take off from my new job or where we would go, if we go anywhere. But this is about the time we start planning. Maybe we won't plan anything. I don't know. I'm waiting for a bright idea to merely appear!

Karen has started smoking again. She had quit shortly after coming to live with us and had been using some kind of stop-smoking lozenge. She seemed to be doing okay except that she thought she had become addicted to the lozenges instead of cigarettes. Then one day, she came in from outside and I smelled cigarette smoke. I asked her if she started smoking again. She said yes, but only a couple of cigarettes a day. But, to me, smoking is smoking no matter how many you smoke. It is hard for me to comprehend. Our father died of lung cancer caused by smoking. Our mother died of heart disease caused by smoking. Our sister died of lung cancer caused by smoking. Karen has had heart bypass surgery that apparently has a significant chance of failure. If the bypass does fail, her only alternative is a heart transplant. If she smokes, she will no longer be considered a candidate for a heart transplant. End of story. End of her life. But, she smokes anyway. I honestly don't understand. It makes me sad for her.

Chris smokes, too. If I thought I could ever get away with it, I'd smack him silly until he stopped. He says he will quit smoking when his life is stress free, which of course means never. I think that's his way of telling me to shut up and mind my own business. But, he had a cancerous lesion on his face that he had removed several years ago. To my way of thinking, that makes him prone to cancer. He, too, saw his grandfather nearly wasted away just before his death. How he can smoke after seeing that, I don't know. I guess because he cannot, or doesn't want to, envision himself like that. I can. It makes me sad for him, too.

I am so glad that I quit smoking so many years ago. It was probably the best thing I could have ever done for myself. It took me three times to quit, but I finally did and I haven't wanted a cigarette since...well, that probably isn't completely true. I think early on, there were times ~ stressful times ~ that I had a craving or two, but nothing really serious and not a craving so strong that I actually wanted to start smoking again. I was lucky.

So, did you notice in the photo above that my toenails are painted? I did that first thing yesterday morning. It was the first time in months that I actually sat down and painted my toenails. I used to do it regularly. I don't know what happened. I did it every single week for years. I almost always had clear polish on my fingernails, but you'd more than likely find "Heat Wave" (Lancome), "Exhaust" (L'Oreal) or "Tangerine" (Revlon) on my toenails. It had become a personal grooming requirement for me. I have a whole array of different colored nail polishes to choose from and I would constantly add new colors to my collection. But, sometime after last summer I just stopped; for no apparent reason. I just quit doing it. I thought about doing it but I just never did. I think these last several months, I've just ignored myself. I lost parts of who I was and where I was going, emotionally speaking. Stupid as it may sound, painted toenails represents finding myself again and getting back on track. It's about freakin' time!

Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it. ~ Albert Einstein

Good Ole Uncle Al was wrong. I hate science. You want to know how much I hate science?

I listen to NPR (National Public Radio) almost religiously. But the only time I will NOT listen to it is on Friday afternoons. A man named Ira Flatow hosts a program called, Talk of the Nation - Science Friday. Ugh! To me, it the most boring program ever produced, besides the fact that it makes me feel stupid.

I hate science. However, my job has flung me into the science abyss. I'm learning words like thoracic, lumbar, cervical, vestibular, patella, iontophoresis, flexion, blah, blah, blah, ad nauseum. And, guess what? I know what they freakin' mean.

This last week I spent a good part of my work day "on the floor." No, I wasn't throwing a tantrum. I was learning the in's and out's of physical therapy.

Poor Greg (my boss). The first day of my training, he used a four page list of the most frequently used medical exercises and therapies that he had prepared specifically for my training. He began at #1 and continued quickly down the list, showing me how to assist a patient in performing each exercise or movement, from the easiest to the most difficult and how to incorporate each piece of equipment, stopping every so often to laugh at my blank face.

Yesterday, I helped Miss "I" with her balance exercises; I held the restistence band while Miss "L" did her hip rolls (keep your feet flat, please); and I ripped the skin off Miss "A's" shoulder when I not-so-gently removed the very sticky electrodes (Oh, Yeah! Damn, I'm good!).

I am completely out of my element with this stuff. It makes me want to crawl back inside the box that I'm supposed by thinking outside of. However, give me an accounting program, columned paper, an adding machine and a mechanical pencil and I can work circles around anyone.

I'm thinking maybe I should stick to accounting and give up my quest to be a hands on people person. Unfortunately, there is a little, teensy, tiny, minute speck of interest in learning this.

"I simply believe that some part of the human Self or Soul is not subject to the laws of space and time. " ~ Carl Jung

I have mentioned this before, but I love Carl Jung's work. It speaks to me.

This particular quote caught my eye because I had company over the weekend. My cousin, Rickey, and her husband, Robert, came to Arkansas to visit their friends, Mike and Jill, who live about an hour and a half from us and they all drove down for dinner Saturday.

First, let me get the mundane part off my chest. My dinner sucked! I made Pork Osso Bucco and it turned out like pork and tomato soup. It was runny...really runny. I did everything I could to thicken it up. I simmered it extensively. It just overcooked the pork. I added a beurre manié (equal parts butter and flour mixed together). Nothing. It didn't help. Just pork and tomato soup over parmesan grits. My guests were very kind, but I was still mortified. Thank you for just letting me vent.

Now, how long had it been since Rickey and I had seen or talked to each other? 20 years; maybe more. She hasn't changed. I would have been able to recognize her anywhere. Robert...well, probably not. We met their friends, Mike and Jill, for the first time Saturday, but by the end of the evening, I felt like we could be friends, too.

I had a great time. Rickey and Bob are so funny. Bob tells a joke about as good as anyone I've ever heard. We didn't really attempt to catch up. That would have been an impossibility. How can you pack 20+ years into a few hours? Not happening. So we just moved forward and talked and ate and laughed about our similarities and differences. Oh, my God, you ARE related, was the mantra of the evening. We talked and laughed about our families, spouses, travels, jobs, homes, hobbies, obsessions and our dogs.

So, is the quote I chose for this post becoming somewhat obvious? I think the layperson's ~ or this layperson's ~ interpretation of the quote is that nothing ever leaves you. Everything you have experienced or felt stays with you and never changes. Listening to Rickey merely speak, I heard my Aunt Sally's voice. It was uncanny. The sound of her voice brought back all those years in Fresno when I spent so much time at their house as a child and pre-teen before my parents moved us to northern California.

I think you can do as much psychological, emotional and spiritual work as you want, but no matter how hard you try, those childhood, teenage and adult thoughts and feelings stay the same as when you experienced them. They never go away. The only difference is how we deal or cope with them when they come up.

On a non-introspective note, Tom's parents came over yesterday for Super Bowl Sunday. Tom's dad is a hard-core Steelers fan, so we had to invite them over to watch the game on the big screen.

Now, Tom's parents live in a retirement apartment community here in town with about 100 other people in their 70's, 80's and 90's. Most old people I know (and, shut up, I'm not speaking from my own personal experience) are pretty set in their ways and have very specific favorites, be it food or sports. Apparently, the Superbowl game had been the favored topic of conversation all week long. So, as my in-laws arrived, through hugs and kisses hello, Tom's mom said the Steelers had to win.

His Mom: If they don't win we are in trouble.

Me: What do you mean? Why would you be in trouble?

His Mom: Because we've been talking about it all week and wearing our Steelers sweat shirts.

Me: You mean you've been gloating.

His Mom: (Smiling sheepishly)Yeah. We've been gloating.

Well, they left after the half-time show (which I personally thought really, really stunk)to watch the second half of the game at home, but I can assure you, without any hesitation whatsoever, that they arrived in the community dining room for breakfast this morning wearing their Steelers sweatshirts and waving their yellow Steelers towel and gloating some more!

Enough of the weekend. It's time to begin a new week with my occasional Daybook…

FOR TODAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2009...

Outside my window...the sun is shining. It should be in the low 50's today, colder the next couple of days, then warming up to the mid- to upper 60's again later in the week and for the weekend. Can you say "Barbecue"?

Waiting...for spring; to sell the flip; for a decent stimulus package to be proposed that won't put us deeper in debt than we already are; for green grass and leaves on the trees.

Catching up on...blogging. I have seriously neglected both of my blogs and I'd like to spend more time writing. I've missed it.

I am thinking...about my son, Mike.

I am thankful for...for my job, even if it is boring.

From the kitchen...leftovers tonight for dinner. We have the pork mess and parmesan grits from Saturday night; tomato, basil and cheese croustades; kielbasa mini-rueben sandwiches; rumaki and I think a little Chocolate Oreo Cake for dessert.

I am wearing...pajamas (white with purple, blue and green snowflakes) and slippers. I've decided to be a little lazy this morning.

I am creating...very little lately.

I am going...to take a shower, go pick up dry cleaning and do laundry. I don't work on Mondays, so I catch up on chores and errands.

I am reading...this is so embarrassing...Letter to My Daughter by Maya Angelou. I still haven't finished it. My problem is that I keep going back and reading previous lessons, rather than reading it all the way through and then going back.

I am hoping...both of my sons find work soon.

I am remembering...how special my Aunt Sally and Uncle Don are to me. I grew up with two very angry, emotionally and physically abusive parents. The love and kindness and care I received from my aunt and uncle helped me to understand that the world outside my immediate family was not like what I was living inside my immediate family. Those were precious, life-long gifts for a growing child.

I am hearing...Goldie snore. She is laying on the floor behind my chair, sound asleep.

Around the house...it's quiet. Karen is still asleep and so are her animals. No tv, nothing. Just the clicking of my fingers on the keyboard and Goldie snoring. A very rare moment that I am relishing.

One of my favorite things...is the orange flavored coffee we get from Fresh Market. I just love that coffee. I am sipping it as I write.

Recently...Tom has asked me not to read or respond to any emails from Mike. He wants to read them first, then tell me about them. He feels the need to intervene because he thinks we both are reading things into each other's words. He's probably right.

A few plans for the near future...I'm going to start walking the trail again. I have a small bag in which I will put my running shoes, socks, sweats and iPod and I will take the bag to work with me. When I finish work, I will change my clothes before I leave and stop at Tucker Creek Trail and walk ~ or walk/run. I have to do something to work off some of this energy. Beyond that, I would like to put the final coats of finish on the cross Tom made for our church. After that, I want to start painting the house again.

Plans to focus on...it is hard to focus on any plans outside what we are already doing. We don't know what the economy will be like and whether Tom will continue to work as he is now. He's been extremely fortunate. He's slowed down some, but not like many others who are out of work completely. I am a little concerned about my job. The "Big Boss" (the man who oversees all five of the physical therapy clinics in Arkansas) is not happy about our numbers ~ the number of referrals and patients we see. We only saw about 35 people last week. The target number is 60. We are not even close and we haven't been close for quite awhile. Will they close our clinic or will they find another physical therapist to run it? I haven't been with the company long enough to know what they would do, if anything. So, I suppose we are planning for the worst; just saving as much as we possibly can; cutting back where we can.

Here is a picture thought I am sharing...Can you tell I am ready for shorts, t-shirts and flip-flops?



Based on The Simple Woman’s Daybook