Some Things Friday for March 28, 2008

Very sad news. My brother-in-law has lost his struggle with pancreatic cancer and passed away yesterday. If you are a religious person, please pray for him and his family at this very, very difficult time. If you are not a religious person, please send comforting thoughts.

Most of what is to follow, I have written during the week.

Some Things I Love:

1. My garden, weeded (thank you, honey!)

2. Watching CBS Sunday Morning with a great cup of coffee or two, then going out to breakfast at IHOP.

3. New flip-flops.

4. A good massage.

5. Reading a good book.

Some Things I Hate:

1. My hair. I couldn't get past the stage. I didn't cut it all off, but I did give myself a trim. It's about the hair-over-the-ears thing.

2. Mud dauber wasps. In the spring and summer you find their muddy little nests everywhere.

3. When people tell me that "the sun" isn't good for me, like I haven't seen all the sun block products at WalMart or Walgreens, like I haven't seen the commercials on television talking about sun damage or cancer, like every person on the beach hasn't offered me their sun block! They even have a freaking "Stay Out of the Sun Day" ~ July 3rd. I've been a sun worshiper since I was old enough to play outside and I'm not going to change. I will continue to carry my beach chair down to the beach, sit in the sun and play in the water. Sitting in a hammock in the shade in the middle of the day is not for me.

4. The high price of our gasoline while oil companies are making the biggest profits ever!

5. Having to work inside when it's sunny and warm outside.


Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Amanda Rouse, a 15-year-old high school student in Seaside, California, wasn't feeling well, but rather than go to the nurse's office, she asked the elementary school bus driver if she could ride the bus home. Enroute, the bus driver fell out of her seat and bumped her head. Amanda jumped to the rescue, put on the brake, but could not avoid hitting two parked cars. All 40 elementary school children, however, were unharmed. Now Amanda must serve detention for skipping classes. DETENTION!! What are the school administrators thinking? Hmmmmm, girl saves 40 kids, a bus driver, herself while on her way home from school because she was sick AND school administrators are going to punish her for being a school "slacker." They call it zero tolerance. I call it just plain stupid.

2. Where has Barack Obama been? I guess he didn't think we needed a "frank talk" about race when the Duke rape case exploded. And he didn't think we needed a "frank talk" about race when Jena, Louisiana high school students hung a noose from a tree. And where was that "frank talk" about race when Katrina left tens of thousands of New Orleans residents homeless. But when his pastor made the news, Obama thought it was about time we had a "frank talk" about race. I would like for anyone to explain Obama's timing. I would like for anyone to explain why, for a year, Obama continually told the media and us that he was never present and never heard Pastor Wright give anti-white, anti-Jew, or anti-Israel sermons, but during his "frank talk" about race last Tuesday Obama said, “Did I ever hear him make remarks that could be considered controversial while I sat in church? Yes.” It seems Mr. Obama only cares to have a "frank talk" about race when it is politically convenient for him.

3. And to continue on the Obama theme:

As of Thursday morning, this piece of "Obama Miracle Toast" was being sold on ebay, with a high bid of $330. Of course, as a Hillary Clinton supporter, the obvious wise crack comes to mind, but I refrain from stating the obvious and merely shake my head.

4. I know we are in the middle of a historically significant Democratic campaign. I know that questions are pointed and lines are drawn. I know that Chelsea Clinton is an adult. I also know that some people just have to dig for the dirtiest of details. But, I would like to know what kind of snarky ass would have to balls to ask a daughter (or son, for that matter) about her father's (or mother's) sexual indiscretions, particularly when the said indiscretions are not that of the candidate and are not pertinent to the candidate's qualifications or credentials. If snarky ass wants to know the details, snarky ass needs to ask the sexual indiscretioner (I don't think that is a word, but you get my point). If the sexual indiscretioner refuses to answer the question, then snarky ass should back off on the sleaze question and ask a question that is actually pertinent to the candidate's credentials. Even more ridiculous is that the snarky ass had the audacity to say Chelsea was rude TO HIM!

5. March Madness. The whole thing completely escapes me.

Wordless Wednesday

"Close" Only Counts in Hand Grenades and Horse Shoes

Barack Obama and his supporters are calling for Hillary Clinton to drop out of the race because she can't WIN.

Message to BO: You may be ahead right now, but if you are not at 2025, pal, you haven't won this game! It's called Democracy and it's not over until everyone has voted for the nominee.

Only people who harbor secrets think other people habor secrets as well...

I hope this past Easter weekend was as beautiful where you are as it was here.

I bought flowers to plant along my fence. Tom put a wood border around my garden. My birch trees are budding and small green leaves cover the branches. I bought a kit that we will use to finally start to construct the pond and water plants for when it is finished. My climbing roses are producing new leaves. Saturday it was in the 70's and Easter Sunday was in the high 60's. It was the first really beautiful weekend since last year.

Saturday was so beautiful, in fact, that Tom was ready to wear a pair of shorts for the first time this year. Unfortunately, he had great difficulty finding a "comfortable" pair. He attributed this to his "Shorts Theory." He said, "You know how when people have to lay in bed for extended periods of time and their limbs shrink? Well, that's what happens to clothes when they sit in the closet for extended periods of time... they shrink." Personally, I think it is the "Beluga Whale Theory." In order to keep warm during the winter, the blubber layer (sorry, honey) increases in thickness, thereby increasing the body's circumference.

So, to bring everyone up to date.

Some of you know that I had a stalker-type following me all over the internet, particularly on the web communities and forums where I am registered. Looking for what...secrets, maybe? I don't know, but I canceled all of my registrations to everything except one private forum and my two blogs and, after a few days, I re-registered at Myspace where most of my family checks in and keeps in touch. I want to make it very clear that I will never again be chased into hiding by anyone, NO MATTER WHAT!! I will never again succumb to ANY sort of intimidation, whether it is overtly aggressive or passive-aggressive. NEVER AGAIN!!! And, my dear family, friends and faithful readers, I will continue to write. End of subject.

Even before our cat, Freebie, disappeared, we were looking for a dog and we have finally found one. We thought we'd end up with a puppy until we got a call from our veterinarian's office. The assistant said she knew of a very reputable breeder who was looking for a home for an older female Golden Retriever. Tom and I went to see her this past Friday. Goldie is a beautiful, very calm, sweet tempered Golden Retriever almost 6 years old. She has been used as a breeder female, has given birth to her final litter of puppies and her owner is retiring her. Even while she was nursing her pups, she let us come right into the kennel and pet her. No growling. No aggressive or apprehensive behavior at all. She just lifted her head and invited me to scratch her under the chin. We can pick her up in about 4 weeks when her puppies are weaned. I had every intention of taking pictures. I took my camera, but it completely slipped my mind. So I found a a photo of a Golden Retriever that looks like her.



I know I sound more like a proud parent or grandparent, but aren't they just beautiful dogs??

And finally, the "son issue". Nope, my son has not returned phone calls, did not email and did not respond to my last post. Yep, I sent him the 6-page letter, but I sent it privately in an email. Nope, I have not received a response. Well, sort of...there was the very indirect, beat-around-the-bush, oblique, disingenuous non-response. My in-laws received a sweet little email from my daughter-in-law along with a photo of my granddaughter and her classmates on a field trip. As my mother-in-law always does (and as my son and daughter-in-law knew she would), she called to express her excitement about receiving the photo. "Did you see that precious photo?" she said. "No, Mom, we didn't get it," Tom said. And, when he visited his parents later that day, my father-in-law said, "Yeah, I thought it was odd that our email address was the only email address on the email." So, Tom explained... not "odd", intentional...and laid out the rest of the details.

But, dammit, I have stopped crying. I feel like Neo in the Matrix. I am dodging bullets in slow motion instead of jumping in front of them, and found out it hurts less. DUH!! In another family matter, I have started to communicate with my sisters more and hope to heal our estrangement, although one does not yet appear too amenable at this point. I am, once again, sleeping through the night and waking up refreshed. I'm looking forward to a new fur baby. Our flip hasn't sold, but I'm not freaking out. I am going to start working on my license for real estate and certification for personal coaching. Whooo Hoooo!! I'M MAKING FREAKIN' PROGRESS!

“You have no control over what the other guy does. You only have control over what you do.” ~ A.J. Kitt

A reader sent me an email about the post I did a couple of days ago about my own mortality.

I'm sorry, Brynne, but I inadvertently deleted your email before I responded to you, so I will respond in this post. Thank you for your comments of support and your question concerning my list of things I wanted to achieve before I die, my "Bucket List." Brynne said she was curious why none of the things on my list had to do with being closer to family or improving relationships, considering my current circumstances.

I went back and re-read my post and she was right. I hadn't mentioned anything about seeing my sisters, kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews or friends more, or making my relationships better or more rewarding. Brynne's question was a good one, but my answer is really very simple. I can only achieve those things I can control.

I can wish for things. I can hope for things. I can pray for things. But, I am powerless to change or control anyone or anything no matter how much I might want to do so. People change, grow or move forward only when they are ready. I read a quote once that sums up the process perfectly, "The soul moves when the soul moves."

So, my list is what I can achieve. Now, if you want a wish, hope or prayer list, that's another matter. And another post.

Some Things Friday for March 21, 2008

Some Things I Love:

1. The first cup of coffee in the morning.

2. A long, hot shower.

3. A hug I can bury myself in.

4. The touch of a friend's hand when I'm sad or upset.

5. A warm, sunny day.

Some Things I Hate:

1. Being estranged from my family.

2. Hearing a child being belittled by a parent.

3. Harsh, critical words spoken by a child.

4. That we must experience pain or sorrow in order to also know joy.

5. Insomnia

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Holding a grudge.

2. Parents who won't allow their kids to just get dirty and have fun.

3. That some folks think gadgets, technology and tv are more important than people.

4. Why some folks will do just about anything for money or status.

5. Why everything has to be so damn hard sometimes.

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. ~ Author Unknown

It has not been a good month, but it has provided ample opportunity for self-reflection.

My sister, KM, was diagnosed with lung, spine and hip cancer. She also has cancer clusters all over her body, particularly very painful pressure points. She received radiation treatments to reduce the tumors in order to relieve some pain and she is now receiving chemo. Her husband, TM, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He has been released from the hospital, no longer receiving any treatments except to control pain and is now under home hospice care. They have two older children, one in college and one in high school. My brother-in-law is at home waiting to die. My sister is fighting for her life and praying for remission. The odds are not on their side. I cannot imagine a greater tragedy.

These great personal challenges and struggles make my own look petty, but it is hard not to begin to really examine one's own mortality, particularly if you are well into "senior" status as I am.

I have laid awake at night sometimes just thinking about the life I have left. I always thought I would live to be 85 or 90 years old, which would mean another good 25 to 30 years. After all, what's stopping me? I'm fairly healthy, although overweight. I take medication for hypertension which I could eliminate if I lost about 20 pounds. Why I have not taken on that challenge up until now, I don't know. It seems ridiculous when I look at it now.

Then, when my mother died a few years ago, I talked to an aunt who informed me of the family "curse"; that no one on my mother's side of the family had lived to be 77 years old. If I take that "curse" seriously, that shortens my life to about 15 more years. I thought, oh my God, I've lived here in Arkansas for 15 years and it's gone by in nearly a blink of an eye.

I'm not afraid of death, but the thought of wasting a moment of my remaining years is daunting. There are a few things I want to achieve and I need to start working on them now in earnest.

I have started this Couch-to-5K program so many times I can't count them on both hands. A couple of years ago, I challenged my grandson, Jacob, to train and run a 5K with me. He ran his first 5K last year. I wasn't with him. It's time I met that challenge, even if I have to do it alone!!

I am afraid of heights. Tom and I went hiking at Petit Jean Mountain Park last year and a portion of the trail frightened me so much I started to shake and almost had a panic attack. I want to hike that trail again with more confidence, less fear and no panic attack.

I want to grow more flowers. Every year for the next 15 years I want to grow all different kinds of flowers. I want to nurture every bud and relish in the beauty of every bloom.

I want to write. I want to write everyday and about everything. I don't want to lie in bed in the middle of the night composing paragraphs in my head and not remember them in the morning. God gave us our souls and our hearts to share. My words are my soul, my heart and my mind and I want to share them and share the words of others if they will allow me.

And, finally, I want to write my autobiography... every joy, every sorrow, every achievement, every disappointment, every triumph, every failure, every truth and every lie... I want my husband, children and grandchildren to know everything about me that I've never taken the time to share with them. I want to also write a letter to each one to let them know what special gifts they have, what wonderful people they are and all of the joys each one of them have brought to my life.

Anger and resentment are like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die ~ Anonymous

An Open Response to My Son:

Just so you are completely aware, everyone I know and with whom I am even remotely related by blood or marriage has the links to both of my blogs and they read them regularly, and therefore, are reading yours.

That said, two days ago I received your email which said that you sent it “in private since I have had enough of getting trashed in public.” You wrote a blog accusing me of characterizing you as an "asshole", then you thought better of using a public forum and deleted it, of course after making sure everyone had proper access to the links to read it (basically a hit and run)… but you’ve had enough of being trashed in public!?? In the same email (you know, the one where you want everything private), you claim your post was only a “rebuttal”? A rebuttal to what? You took my post, which describes my frustration, my beliefs and my internal processes for coming to terms with being ignored by an unnamed someone I love very much and twisted it into some kind of personal public flogging and degradation. I did NOT point a finger at you. I did NOT identify you. I did NOT name you. As a matter of fact, I was very careful not to even mention gender, so as not to implicate any specific person. You could have called and said, does this blog refer to me? Instead, Mike, you outed yourself.

Now, apparently because of my updated references to the bad link and my comments concerning the contents of your deleted post, you’ve decided to re-post your blog. Actually, I am okay with that. At least now my family, friends and readers can see for themselves why I responded as I did and reach their own conclusions. However, the re-posting also calls into question your willingness to work toward and reach any sort of understanding, resolution or reconciliation. Instead, it appears that you are concerned only with revenge, retaliation, in being “right” or having the last word. Even Kathy is using her public forum. This is only one of her several Myspace blurbs which have made pointed reference, but can easily dismissed or denied if ever challenged:

“Kat thinks ガラス家に住んでいる人々は石を投げるべきでない”
Roughly translated: “The people who to the glass house have lived should not throw the stone” This one was definitely the cleverest, wouldn’t you say?

I assumed at the time you wrote your email that you wanted any response I had to also be private. I was willing to respect your wishes and I will continue to do so, if that is your choice. Your position now, though, seems to have changed. Apparently you want to continue this discourse publicly. If that is the case, it’s fine with me, Mike. I can deal with anger… even rage. I can deal with belittling, sarcasm, ridicule, criticism and whatever else you want to throw at me. I would be hurt, but I could handle that, too. I have nothing to hide. There is very little the people who read this blog don’t already know about me. I pretty much lay myself out for all to see, warts and all, nearly every day. What I don’t post here, I share privately. I am human and I am imperfect. I don’t claim to be anything else. I am wrong sometimes, but I am right sometimes, too. People know this about me and still care, in spite of my short-comings, and I am so grateful for their love and support.

Two days ago, you sent a 174-word email (yes, I counted) in which you clearly stated you would not return phone calls and that those 174 words were pretty much all you had to say. I wish I could say the same. Unfortunately, this post is NOT my response to your blog or your email. I am nearly finished with a five-page, single-spaced response that has taken me nearly three days, off and on, to write because, after loving you for 41 years, after all that we have shared and all that has transpired between us as mother and son, 174 words are NOT enough for me.

So, I am giving you the opportunity to make the decision. Do you want my response to remain private or do you want me to post it publicly?

Whatever you decide, I WILL post your decision on my blog.

Contrary to what you may think, Mike, I love you and so does your Dad.

Wordless Wednesday

One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others. ~ Moliere

You win, Mike. You have the biggest muscles. You have the biggest guns.

Your words have hurt me more than I could have ever thought any could. Your attack was meant to be cruel. It was. It was meant to hurt. It did... very deeply.

I tried to teach you how to care about others. I failed. I tried to teach you to be kind, generous and loving. I failed. I tried to teach you acceptance and tolerance. I failed.

I apologize for being a complete failure as a mother. I thank you for bringing my personal failures to public attention. It has been a humbling experience.

Update and Post Script: The above link to Mike's blog reveals only a blank page.(He changed his mind. Apparently, as of 3/18/08, the page is back up. Whip away). Suffice it to say that, after some personal consideration and in an effort to "quell any further outbursts" (his words), he has since deleted the blog that I address in this post. That does not, however, negate or dismiss the tone and manner in which these inaccuracies and accusations were leveled.

Some Things Friday for March 14, 2008

I will not go into detail, but it just has not been a great week.

Some Things I Love:

1. This Granny is an awesome example of how an old girl can really take care of herself!! She was trapped in a locked closet for about 20 hours and when no one came looking for her, she bashed a hole in the wall and crawled through it. Her advice to other grannies who might find themselves in the same predicament? "Keep a hammer in your closet, tie your cell phone around your neck, and be in shape." You go, girl!

2. This quote: “I refuse to enter a wet T-Shirt Contest until my breasts look more like breasts, and less like something I should tuck into my pants.” ~ Kelli Jae Baeli . It's unfortunate, but I relate to that.

3. Only 6 more days until Spring and we are finally headed for warmer weather! Right now I'm wearing flip-flops, but my toes are cold.

4. Arkansas is a backward state, there is no doubt about it, and we are often ridiculed in the media and elsewhere for our staunch resistance to change and almost rabid refusal to accept that anything worthwhile exists outside our borders. I have friends and family who refuse to visit our state for fear the "redneck cooties" will infect their very being and life as they know it will cease to exist. Some of them make jokes about us, as if our entire population lived in shacks with rusting autos parked in the yard, drove pickup trucks with gun racks, sipped our Budweiser through rotted front teeth and spit our "chew" into empty beer cans. It is, apparently, inconceivable that anything civilized or purposeful could exist here. It is true that as a former Californian and very liberal Democrat, my adjustment to the evangelical Christian, right-wing Republican culture here has been difficult. I have written many times that I wish we had never moved here, but I am, in the final analysis, a realist and deal with the here and now and continue to plan for what can be in my future. That said, there are some things about Arkansas of which I am very proud. One of them is how local law enforcement agencies so aggressively protect our children from predators. Our own Conway Police Department has a task force dedicated to this project and they have arrested many men, some coming from as far as Oklahoma and Texas to central Arkansas to sexually assault young girls. Heber Springs is a small community of only about 7,000 people on Greers Ferry Lake about an hour north of Conway. Their county sheriff's office and city police department work in tandem to catch internet predators. A recent edition of the Heber Springs Sun-Times reports that they succeeded in arresting a 55-year old man who drove from northern Arkansas to meet with what he thought to be a 13-year-old girl. Earlier this year, they arrested a 26-year old man for the same offense. Pretty darn good for such a small, fairly rural community. But,...do the deputies and officers speak with an accent so thick you can barely understand them? Undoubtedly. Do they eagerly anticipate the opening of deer or duck season and hunt and fish like it is a religion? Probably. Do they drink beer on their days off? More than likely. And some of them may live in mobile homes and probably chew tobacco (one of THE most disgusting habits on this planet). But these right-wing, tobacco chewing, beer drinking rednecks have made protecting our children a real priority with limited support and resources. I thank them for that. Job well done, guys!

5. Many of our current high school students are so much smarter and more aware of the current issues and political contradictions than those students of my generation. I didn't really start considering the impact of political issues on daily life until I graduated from high school and left home for the first time. Even then, my understanding of the issues and political positions were not as well formulated as Choate high school senior, Marla Spivack, the student who challenged Karl Rove last month by asking him “to explain how giving gay people the right to marry would endanger other people.” Rove dismissed Spivack's question by saying that the issue “should be resolved by a legislature or a referendum, not a court.” But Spivack was relentless and said, "You never actually answered, how does it threaten anyone?” Rove asked her, "What’s the compelling reason to throw out 5,000 years of understanding the institution of marriage as between a man and a woman?" To which she replied, "What was the compelling reason for society to allow interracial relationships when they had once been outlawed." When Rove invoked the Declaration of Independence, the student argued that its reference to “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness” seemed to support her claims. Astonishing, isn't it? So when is Marla Spivack eligible to run for President?


Some Things I Hate:

1. Did you read about the new federal study that found that 1 in 4 of U.S. teenage girls has an STD (sexually transmitted disease). Okay, time out! What are we NOT teaching our kids? We have become so focused on talking about abstinence that we are NOT teaching them how to protect themselves if they decide to have sex. Don't you think that kids need to hear the dual message that STDs can be prevented by abstinence and condoms?

2. I didn't think I needed another reason, besides Meredith Vieira, not to watch the Today Show, but the producers have given me another reason anyway. Just in case I might be tempted to give it a try just once, I only have to remember that Kathie Lee Gifford is joining the show as a co-host. Oh boy, another opportunity to hear more about Cody, Cassidy, Cody, Cassidy, Cody, Cassidy and Cody and Cassidy! Uh... NO!

3. We no longer have to worry about feces and rat droppings in our water. According to an article on this website, "A vast array of pharmaceuticals -- including antibiotics, anti-convulsants, mood stabilizers and sex hormones -- have been found in the drinking water supplies of at least 41 million Americans......How do the drugs get into the water?.....People take pills. Their bodies absorb some of the medication, but the rest of it passes through and is flushed down the toilet. The wastewater is treated before it is discharged into reservoirs, rivers or lakes. Then, some of the water is cleansed again at drinking water treatment plants and piped to consumers. But most treatments do not remove all drug residue." Okay, I saw the words "pharmaceuticals," but all I can think of is: Ewww, ewww, ewww, I'm drinking PEE WATER!

4. I have developed another undesirable habit. I wake up in the middle of the night about 3:30 a.m. I try not to look at the clock, but I do anyway and knowing I am awake in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping makes it that much more difficult to fall back to sleep. I lay there and hear every little noise (the tick, tick, tick of the ceiling fan when the chain hits the globe, Tom's breathing/almost snoring, water dripping from the roof to the ground outside because it's been raining) and my mind begins racing, trying to write paragraphs into my memory so I don't forget. I have to force myself to stop by controlling and relaxing all of my muscles one at a time and repeating to myself "quiet mind...quiet mind...quiet mind." Minutes later, my mind wanders again, and I have to bring myself back... quiet mind... repeating this process for at least an hour and a half until I fall back to sleep. I don't wake up rested. I don't wake up ready to face the day. And, I've forgotten everything anyway!

5. The house we purchased to remodel and resell has not resold. I think the Real Estates Gods are trying to tell us something.

Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Elliot Spitzer, the former governor of New York ~ as of Monday. Oh my God! He obviously didn't learn anything from Bill Clinton, David Vitter, Larry Craig, Mark Foley and Bob Allen, What was he thinking?? He wasn't... that's his problem.

2. Did you know there was a website that teaches our men (or at least those who want to learn) the "Art of Manliness ." Yes, indeed, men ~ and women who wish to steer your men in that direction ~ you, too, can learn the art of grilling the perfect steak, the art of a virtuous life by merely shutting up, how to shave like your Grandpa, talk like Frank Sinatra, and learn the rules of wearing socks (I presume this one is for all you old farts who think it's cool to wear black socks and sandals). By far, though, the most important lesson is how to give a proper Man Hug. And this, my dear gentlemen, is NOT it:



3. Charla Krupp is a former beauty editor and author who has launched a new website to sell her book, "How Not To Look Old." Charla wants to give us aging women what we need: information on hair, makeup, lipstick or back pain (yes, all in the same sentence). Charla wants us to be ready to reinvent ourselves! Charla, honey, I don't need reinvention... I need renovation!

4. A New Haven, Connecticut middle school has a no-tolerance policy. And they take prisoners. According to this article, eighth grader "Michael Sheridan was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for 3 days after buying a bag of Skittles from a classmate. An administrator busted Michael with the candy in his pocket." Of course, it's a well known fact that most of our school kids are strung out on Skittles during and after class, and there are Skittles pushers in every elementary and middle school bathroom trying to hook more and more of our children. The next step for the unsuspecting Skittles user is Pixie Stix and we all know that once they are into Pixie Stix the only alternative is rehab.

5. I would like to understand how Barack Obama can say he rejects Rev. Wright's very twisted view of this country, but continues to attend the church led by Rev. Wright. If you attended a church and the leader of that church continually taught something you knew or felt was fundamentally wrong or completely disagreed with, would you continue to attend? Or would you find a church more consistent with your fundamental beliefs? It seems to me what Barack Obama says contradicts his actions. So which is it, Mr. Obama? Are you proud that Rev. Wright has been your mentor and spiritual guide for the last 20 years, or have you just spent the last 20 years putting up with Rev. Wright's racist, anti-American rhetoric in order to use the church's influence for your personal campaign goals?

An Open Letter to the Democratic National Committee

Yes, I sent another letter. If you would like to do the same thing, you can email Mr. McNamara at mcnamara at dnc dot org

Phil McNamara
Democratic National Committee
430 S. Capitol St. SE
Washington, DC 20003

Dear Mr. McNamara

I am a life-long Democrat and I have voted a complete Democratic ticket in every local, state and national primary and general election for the last 40+ years. However, I am becoming increasingly hesitant to do so this coming Presidential election as I watch my Democratic party dismiss the votes and disenfranchise hundreds of thousands of other loyal Democrats.

This is an historic primary and the spotlight is on our party. Many disenchanted Republicans are taking a fresh look at our party and may vote as Democrats if they believe that we are the party to restore confidence in democracy. We cannot allow ourselves to become another party that disenfranchises the will of the voters. It is, therefore, imperative that we honor the voices and votes of the people of Michigan and Florida.

In Michigan, Barack Obama made a calculated choice to remove his name from the Michigan ballot even though there was no rule or requirement that he do so. After doing so, his supporters ran a very aggressive campaign in an attempt to get people to vote “uncommitted.”

On January 15, 2008, 594,398 Michigan Democrats went to their polling places and voted in their state's primary. 328,309 Democrats voted for Hillary Clinton and she won all but two counties, Washtenaw and Emmet. 238,168 voted uncommitted. 21,715 voted for Dennis Kucinich. 3,845 voted for Chris Dodd. 2,361 voted for Mike Gravel. Hillary Clinton received 55% of the vote. The uncommitted, whose votes were either truly uncommitted or for Obama, Edwards or Biden, all three of whom voluntarily withdrew their names from the ballot, got 40%. Kucinich, Dodd and Gravel won 5% of the vote.

Barack Obama now proposes that he receive 50% of the state's delegates. Splitting the Michigan delegates 50/50 between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama is not consistent with how Michigan voted. Splitting the Michigan delegates 50/50 would be vote-stealing and would be disenfranchising 5% of Hillary Clinton's voters. It would be assuming that every uncommitted voter and every voter for Kucinich, Dodd and Gravel now want their vote to go to Obama. That's called stealing an election. If the DNC allows this, there will be hundreds of thousands of Democrats across the country, including me, who will refuse to vote for Barack Obama in November, thinking better a Republican than a cheat.

There's a very simple, fair answer to the Michigan dilemma: Absent a revote, the DNC should remove the penalty and Hillary Clinton should receive the delegates according to her vote total. The uncommitted and other candidates' delegates should remain "uncommitted" and vote how they want when they attend the convention in Denver.

There’s also an even simpler and equally fair answer to the Florida dilemma. Florida held a primary, not caucuses, on January 29, 2008 and Democrats voted early, voted absentee and voted on their primary day. The DNC was wrong to penalize them. Democrats didn't willingly hold their primary early, the Republican legislature forced the early date on them, but the state party repeatedly assured voters they would try to get the decision overturned and it was important for them to vote, as did elected officials. Florida voters listened and they turned out in record numbers. It would simply be wrong to hold caucuses now in lieu of a primary. Nor do they need a new primary. The voters have already spoken and the election was fair. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were both on the ballot, but neither campaigned in the state so neither had any advantage over the other. The candidates competed on a level playing field. The DNC just needs to count the votes that were cast. Hillary Clinton received 871,000 votes, 49.8% and Barack Obama got 576,000 votes, 32.9%. The Florida delegates should be awarded consistent with those votes.

The Republicans are watching our party. I am sure you can imagine what the Republicans would do with the proposed compromises. We will be portrayed as believing in dividing votes instead of counting votes. Campaigning Republicans will remind Michigan and Florida voters every day that their votes weren’t counted.

The people of Michigan and Florida are, first and foremost, people of America and they are watching our party. Voters all across America are watching our party.

Please take this opportunity to do the right thing.

Sincerely,

[Me!]

Learn to Love People and Use Things... Not Use People and Love Things

I have a person in my life that doesn't respond to emails or telephone calls, nor does this person initiate emails or telephone calls. And, when I finally receive the email or call I've been waiting for, hoping for, the tone is flat... cold... emotionless... indifferent.

I am being ignored again, a clear and all too common pattern of how this other person copes with just about everything. Even though I know that about this person, immediately, my head goes to: What did I do now? Or what did I NOT do that I should have done? What did I say? What DIDN'T I say that I was expected to say? Did I break a promise? Renege on a commitment? Hurt your feelings? Ostracize you? Didn't I care enough? Call enough? Email enough? Share enough? Share too much? What real or imagined tangible thing did I do??? What? Just tell me, WHAT????

When I am ignored, of course, that's exactly the reaction the other person wants to elicit. But, if I stand back and examine my emotions behind the reactions, being ignored feels dismissive, discouraging, disheartening, insulting, mean-spirited and even back-handed. Even when other things in my life are going really well, I feel like I don't count or don't matter to the other person. And because I deeply care about the other person, I benignly accommodate them by reacting.

So, I have to remind myself that this person is a grown-up, even if they aren't acting like one, and grown-ups... well... act grown-up. They communicate. They tell you why they are upset or angry or sad or hurt, whether they do it in a conversation, email, letter or even a blog. I remind myself that, in fact, it probably has little to do with me, but everything to do with how that person feels about themselves, how little they like themselves and how difficult it is for them to cope with their own feelings.

Unfortunately, I don't have the power to make a person do anything. I don't have the power to show a person what I consider the right way or the right path. I don't have the power to make an unconscious person conscious. I don't have the power to make a person's pain or discomfort disappear. Although, I have to admit, I often wish I did.

Wordless Wednesday

Some Things Friday for March 7, 2008

This is going to be short and sweet. No long rants (I don't think). No story telling. Just simple things I love, hate and just don't get.

Some Things I Love:

1. Daylight savings time!

2. Christina and Carol are doing a great job planning the family reunion. I'm glad we rented a cottage on the lake for the 5 days. We will be close to everyone and it will be so much fun.

3. Any baby. Human, puppy, kitten, lamb, chick... you name it. I love little babies.

4. K.D. Lang. Her voice gives me chills.

5. When Tom cooks. I love to sit at the island in the kitchen, sip a glass of wine and watch him cook a wonderful meal. I love that my sons cook for their families, too.

Some Things I Hate:

1. Obama is whining because the mainstream media is now asking him some tough questions (or questions he doesn't like or want to answer). Waaaaah. Waaaah. Call the whaaaahm-bulance.

2. Snow - at least 4 inches today. Need I say more?

3. When I come into the office to write and Tom says, "I won't bother you," and then he comes into the office to "just ask a question."

4. I hate how quickly I get cabin fever. When the weather warmed up last week, it felt so good to be outside, have the windows open and fill the house with fresh air. This week is cold, rainy and snowy and I am overcome by cabin fever. Ugh.

5. The over-exposure of some Food Network celebrity chefs. As I am flipping passed the channel, I see either Paula Deen, Guy Fieri, Bobby Flay or Rachel Ray (or as she affectionately called in our house ~ Ray-tard). I am initially intrigued by their new shows, but eventually I just get sick of seeing their names, faces and their programs.


Some Things I Just Don't Get:

1. Denial.

2. When family members or friends stop talking to each other because of some perceived or actual difference. Since when is everyone supposed to think or feel the same about everything? Grow up!

3. Why would you write a book ("Love and Consequences"), call it memoir when it's not and allow it to be published as your life story? Why not just say it is a book of fiction at the outset? I really don't get that.

4. A poll shows that over half of Americans don't trust the press and over a third don't trust the other media outlets. And they needed a poll to tell them this?

5. There are so many "community websites" ~ Myspace, Facebook, Pownce, Multiply, etc. ~ and people expect you keep updated profiles on all of them. Who has that kind of time?

Grrrrrr. Brrrrrr.

This is our forecast for tonight and Friday.



It's March for heaven's sake! We are anticipating an early daylight savings time this weekend. It's supposed to be warm! I'm pissed!

Wordless Wednesday

A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water. ~ Carl Reiner

It's March 4th in Arkansas. The weather is supposed to be weird in March. One day will be warm, like last weekend when the temperatures climbed to 72 degrees. The next day it will only be in the mid-50's.

This morning we awoke to this vision:



Yes, it's snow. It was snowing when we woke up and continued to snow all morning. All of the local schools are closed. All of the bread and milk is gone from the shelves of every grocery store in town.

That's what they do here to prepare for a storm. It doesn't matter what kind of storm it is ~ rain storm, ice storm, snow storm, thunder storm ~ people here do the same thing. Everyone flocks to the grocery store to buy bread and milk. Why only bread and milk? The simple answer is: I don't know. That's just what they do here.

Tom and I have often speculated why Arkansans, when faced with a storm, rush to the store and buy nothing more than bread and milk. Maybe to make bread pudding. Or maybe milk toast. With an egg or two you could make French toast. That's really all we've ever come up with, but we've never been able to reach a reasonable conclusion since all of those dishes would be rather tiresome after a mere few hours. As a matter of fact, I don't think I could even swallow milk toast, but then I'm a gastronomically snooty native Californian so that pretty much explains why.

So, I didn't plan very well. I'm out of milk. But my freezer is full of several kinds of bread: whole grain, focaccia, biscuits, French bread, sandwich rolls and cheese/garlic muffins. I might even have a bagel or two in there somewhere. But, without the milk, there will be no bread pudding. However, I have a pot of split pea soup cooking on the stove. I have taken some beerocks (pockets of yeast dough stuffed with hamburger, cabbage and onion seasoned with pepper) out of the freezer.

I think we will be fine until the snow melts by late this afternoon.